Bahkan, kehidupan aku sendiri pun belum tentu sempurna, inikan pula untuk membawa sebuah kehidupan yang lain ke dunia ini ..

My dear blog.. I was touched by a drama that i've watched just now..

But before that.. I just wanna put this picture ..

Scene tu macam ni.. Perempuan tu tpaksa buat pembedahan dan rahim perempuan itu akan rosak & dibuang.. Jadi, dia terlalu sedih sebab dia tak dapat nak bagi anak untuk suami dia.. Time dia balik ke rumah.. dia meminta nasihat dari seorang perempuan yang pernah kehilangan anak..

Perempuan tu pun menasihat macam ni :

Anak adalah anugerah dari Allah kepada kita.. Anugerah yang tidak diberikan kepada kita oleh Allah kerana Allah sedang merencanakan sesuatu yang lebih baik untuk kita.. Melahirkan seorang anak adalah membawa sebuah kehidupan ke dunia ini.. Kita terlalu sibuk untuk membawa sebuah kehidupan ke dunia ini, padahal semua itu urusan Allah.. Sedangkan urusan sebenar kita di dunia ini adalah mempersiapkan diri kita untuk kematian .. Apakah kita sudah cukup segala keperluan untuk menghadapi sebuah kematian .. Bahkan, kehidupan aku sendiri pun belum tentu sempurna, inikan pula untuk membawa sebuah kehidupan yang lain ke dunia ini ..

~ aku pun terkesan dengan kata-kata perempuan itu ~ Allah tidak memperkenankan kehendak kita kerana Allah ada rancangan yang terbaik untuk kita .. Aku sebok mengharapkan seorang insan, aku sibok terluka kerana jatuh hati dengan seorang hamba Allah, padahal .. Hubungan aku dengan Allah aku masih tidak berusaha memperbaiki .. Aku sibok mengharapkan sesuatu dari hamba Allah, pada hal.. Kasih sayang Allah adalah sesuatu yang lebih abadi & lebih membahagia kan .. Pada hal, kehidupan selepas kematian lebih utama, lebih kekal , bukan kehidupan di dunia ini.. ~

Wahai encik blog .. ingin sekali aku berpesan dengan diri aku ..

Tidak usah terlalu mendambakan kasih sayang manusia .. 

Tidak usah mengharapakan hubungan indah dengan seorang hamba Allah.. 

Andai sesuatu perkara itu sudah ditakdirkan oleh Allah, maka semuanya tetap akan berlaku.. 

Andai Allah tidak memperkenankan keinginan aku,

maka Allah mempunyai rancangan yang DIA sudah tuliskan untuk aku.. 

Allah tahu apa yang lebih baik untuk aku.. Allah sengaja memberikan dugaan dan kesakitan dengan terlalu menyayangi seseorang hamba Allah kepada ku kerana, dengan cara ini , aku akan lebih dekat dengan Allah .. Allah amat sayangkan semua hambanya, Allah tahu apa yang lebih baik untuk ku.. 

Terima Kasih Ya Allah..

"Ko bukan Superman, mo tolong semua orang, sampai diri ko sendiri susah"

My dear blog..  it is already 6 August .. Means that, 6 Ramadhan .. Mean also .. 9 days for me to be 21 .. Oh NO... 21 .. Am I that Old ..? I dont wanna get old ........

My dear blog .. its 1:21 am .. I can't sleep .. maybe I am getting use to sleep late .. Oh No.. I need to sleep early. Its Ramadhan.. I have to wake up for sahur .. But Its ok..

oh my dear lovely blog .. I just remember one of my memories in Unimas where I was fighting with my friend .. It was in MARCH i guess .. ( me and he is like, we quarrel a bit frequent, but not that too frequent, but we r very straight to the point with each other) .. At that night, I had some kind of friend-quarrel with my friend .. He told me "Ko bukan Superman, mo tolong semua orang, sampai diri ko sendiri susah...!" .. the reason he told me that..? emm .. I better not to tell here .. Oh My Dear Friend, I know, & I guess, U r the only person who can c how my life everyday, until u said that to me .. But, for me .. I have to help anyone .. anytime .. people not asking for help for nothing .. they need help .. & .. I will be happy if can help anyone who need my help .. U see me making trouble of myself because of helping others? its ok then, rather than I live my life comfortably while other people need my help .. In fact, i dont feel any trouble .. I might seems like in a hard time, but, helping people is what makes me happy .. I know he might not read this, but, I dont care .. I just wanna wrote in this .. & thank you .. for saying that .. I treasure ur word even u might forgot it..

My dear blog .. My previous post was telling how hard for me to be in love with someone .. I mean to be STILL in love with someone .. OK..! That was a few months back .. NOW...! I am still hurting .. but, less.. Because .. U know .. Just like Malay proverbs had said >>> alah bisa tegal biasa <<< .. & that's what happen to me .. Now, I am OK .. Even that thing still hurt me, but .. I AM STRONGER now i hope.. I try not to think about that person too much .. I try not to care too much ..

My Dear Blog .. U know what .. If I look back .. remembering how hurt my life during the WHOLE 2ND YEAR..., I feel pity to myself .. How I struggle everyday with my feeling .. BUT ... I thankful for that .. All that pain, made me mature.. Made me beware when I am falling for anyone .. I am thankful .. I had loved at the fullest.. so .. What to regret? Its not wrong to love a person until we half alive .. The feeling of love, is something that we dont expect to appear.. There is goodness behind this painful love .. I believe, Allah have his own plan for me, Allah give me the feeling, Allah the place I hold onto when I am broken into pieces .. And Allah know whats the best for me .. I believe, even this painful thing happen to me, Allah have a better plan for me .. That is why HE put me in all these .. ALHAMDULILLAH..........

My dear blog .. Now .. I still hurt .. U KNOW WHY I AM STILL HURTING..? .. because its hurt knowing that we fall for someone wrong .. When I watch a drama, I will get the feeling of the character which fall for a wrong person .. EVEN I said I am still hurting .. I am not like MYSELF BEFORE .. now .. I can manage my thought a bit well ... I can whisper to myself, telling that, "its ok, Allah love u, thats y Allah gave u pain like this, HE want U to remember Allah always, to hold on to Allah always, Allah knows the best for you, that is y He let u fall for that person.." ....... This whisper, made me stronger .. !! ALHAMDULILLAH ..

My dear blog.. it very late . I have to sleep .. later on I'll wrote again .. I hope.. there r so many things to  wrote in here ...................

~~~~~~~ thats all .. again .. my post is about >>>> hurt <<< ~~~~ what a post ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a post that was written in February 2011.......... kept in draft.. finally posted

Dear blog..
Its been a long time i have not updated my blog .. i have been busy .. forcing myself to be busy.. keeping my life busy.. or sometimes, i dont have mood to update my blog ..

Dear blog.. this new semester, i bought spoiler for my lovely car & i bought a guitar .. actually, my friend did take the picture while i was buying those things, . well, i admit, those 2 things seriously causing my financial unstable ... but for me, those 2 things is quite important for me..

 Dear blog..
the first task that i did when i enter unimas for this new semester was, i became a Liaison Officer for Minggu Aluan Pelajar December Intake.. it was a great experienced ..

L.O + MPP + Students new intake ... all the L.O's are very close together.. especially L.O kolej cempaka... miss u guys..

Then ..

lots of things happen to me.. also , we did go to pasir pandak beach ..... in hope we could see the sunset.. but then ... the day was cloudy .. haha.... first.. we go there.. eat kfc .. ( we bekal KFC)... haha... then... we bergambar-gambar.... until maghrib... we solat at the nearest surau.. then.. we go to airport and have our dinner there.. i eat spaghetti.. so delicious.... LOL...

We didnt manage to capture a nice sunset... bit its ok.. the picture i am holding my phone is.. i am 3g call my nephew .. showing them the beach..

on the new year eve ..

i was fetching my friend at the airport, on the way back, we watch the fireworks on the night sky .. even it was rainy ..the fireworks looks soooooo beautiful ....

i know the smile is quite fake... i miss someone sooo much at that time...

wahai encik blog .. hari kami pegi pasang spoiler kat kreta aku, kami kena tahan polis sbab tinted aku gelap (konon!!!) ..  sebenarnya .. polis tu yg bodo! hari mendung, mesti la nmpak gelap! lepas tu, aku mintak alat untuk check tahap tinted, tp, polis yang bodo tu cakap tunggu JPJ, sbab only JPJ yg boleh check, aku cakap la , ok, aku tunggu JPJ sekarang, tp, polis yang BODO tu cakap , kalau JPJ datang esok, kreta aku kena tahan sampai esok.... betapa BODO nya polis tu, nk tahan, tapi, x cukup alat & ahli.... BODOH tahap dewa! patut la setakat jadi polis yang tahan tepi jalan .. pangkat tak naik2 !! kalau aku nak tunggu JPJ, apa aku nak pakai balik unimas?? then, polis tu pun cakap, kalau aku bukak tinted tu sekarang jugak, aku boleh lepas, .. dengan perasaan yang menyampah tahap gila babi, aku bukak tinted kat cermin belakang kereta aku ..

Dear blog..
just like what i had wrote here before, i hope, things would be happier for me, the miserable things would end, but NO!!!!!!!! it did not end yet !!!!  for the last few month in this new semester, i've been struggling to face this irritating thing .. everyday, i wish this can easily resolved, easily disappear, & i can move on with my life happily ................................................

Dear blog ..
there are few times, i wish i lost my memories .. but, i wish i lost only 'that' part .. mayB things will be easier when i lost my memories .. i dont know .. it seems like, almost the whole 2nd year of my study at unimas is striving to face the hurtful thing .... i wish this could be ended .. i wish .. i really wish ..

Dear blog ..

i always afraid to face every single minute of my life .. because, when there are moment where i am happy, the moment after that, there will be something that will hurt my feeling , but , i dont have option rather than face it ..

my dear blog ..
i've been joking .. & smiling  around with my friends like crazy .. just to hide my feelings .. but there are the time where i cant fake my smile anymore.. at that time, i feel so guilty to my friends .. i wish i can laugh, smile & joking around but .. no .. i cant fake it anymore .. i am just so sorry .. sometimes, i am the most talkative person , all that is just because i wanna hide it ..

my dear blog ..
until when i am hurting like this? until when i will hurt? i am not me anymore .. my friend have said to me .. "bila lagi ko mo ada girlfriend, sein?" .. "kalau ko ada girlfriend, ada la tempat ko bermanja, tempat ko kongsi masalah, ada orang care dengan ko" ............................................................................

oh my dear friends ........ how i can have a girlfriend if my heart is completely closed for anyone , completely sealed until there the time i hate love so much.... how come i can share my problems with my girlfriend if my problem is about someone that i love????? how come i can tell all the pathetic things to that girl : that all the sad story is about my hurtful love towards someone else??????????

~ 1st wrote in february... kept in draft for about 4 month .... finally i had a chance to edit & add picture to this post.... this is what happen to me around February 2011 since December 2010.... ~~ i post this on 0101am 27 July 2011~~

New Song for my Blog....... embrace the lyrics///// LOL

[Bruno Mars - Chorus]

This one's for you and me
Living out our dreams
We're all right where we should be
Lift my arms out wide
I open my eyes
And now all I wannna see
Is a sky full of lightets, a sky full of lighters

[Eminem]

By the time you hear this I will have already spiralled up
I would never do nothing to let you cowards fuck my world up
If I was you, I would duck, or get struck like lightening,
Fighters keep fighting, put your lighters up, point em’ skyward uh
Had a dream I was king, I woke up, still king
This rap game’s nipple is mine for the milking,
Till nobody else even fucking feels me, till’ it kills me
I swear to god I’ll be the fucking illest in this music
There is or there ever will be, disagree?
Feel free, but from now on I’m refusing to ever give up
The only thing I ever gave’s using no more excuses
Excuse me if my head is too big for this building
And pardon me if I’m a cocky prick but you cocks are slick
Poppin shit on how you flipped ya life around, crock-o-shit
Who you dicks try to kid, flipped dick, you did the opposite
You stayed the same, cause cock backwards is still cock you pricks
I love it when I tell em shove it
Cause it wasn’t that long ago when Marshall sat, luster lacked, lustered
Cuz he couldn’t cut mustard, muster up nothing
Brain fuzzy, cause he’s buzzin’, woke up from that buzz
Now you wonder why he does it, how he does it
Wasn’t cause he had buzzards circle around his head
Waiting for him to drop dead, was it?
Or was it, cause them bitches wrote him off
Little hussy ass, cause f-ck it, guess it doesn’t matter now, does it
What difference it make?
What it take to get it through your thick skulls
As if this aint some bullshit
People don’t usually come back this way
From a place that was dark as I was in
Just to get to this place
Now let these words be like a switch blade to a haters rib cage
And let it be known from this day forward
I wanna just say thanks cause your hate is what gave me the strength
So let em bic’s raise cause I came with 5’9′ but I feel like I’m 6’8″

[Bruno Mars - Chorus]

This one's for you and me
Living out our dreams
We're all right where we should be
Lift my arms out wide
I open my eyes
And now all I wannna see


Is a sky full of lightets, a sky full of lighters

[Royce Da 5'9]

By the time you hear this I’ll probably already be outtie
I advance like going from toting iron to going and buying 4 or 5 of the homies the iron man Audi
My daddy told me slow down, boy, you goin to blow it
And I aint gotta stop the beat a minute
To tell Shady I love him the same way that he did Dr Dre on the Chronic
Tell him how real he is or how high I am
Or how I would kill for him for him to know it
I cried plenty tears, my daddy got a bad back
So it’s only right that I right till he can march right into that post office and tell em to hang it up
Now his career’s Lebron’s jersey in 20 years
I’ll stop when I’m at the very top
You shitted on me on your way up
It’s ’bout to be a scary drop
Cause what goes up must come down
You going down on something you don’t wanna see like a hairy box
Every hour, happy hour now
Life is wacky now
Used to have to eat the cat to get the pussy
Now I’m just the cats meooww, ow
Classic cow, always down for the catch weight like Pacquiao
Ya’ll are doomed
I remember when T-Pain aint wanna work with me
My car starts itself, parks itself and autotunes
Cause now I’m in the Aston
I went from having my city locked up
To getting treated like Kwame Kilpatrick
And now I’m fantastic
Compared to a weed high
And y’all niggas just gossipin’ like bitches on a radio and TV
See me, we fly
Y’all buggin out like Wendy Williams staring at a bee-hive
And how real is that
I remember signing my first deal and now I’m the second best I can deal with that
Now Bruno can show his ass, without the MTV awards gag


[Bruno Mars - Bridge]


You and I know what it's like to be kicked down
Forced to fight
But tonight we’re alright
So hold up your light
Let it shine

[Bruno Mars - Chorus]

Cuz this one's for you and me
Living out our dreams
We're all right where we should be
Lift my arms out wide
I open my eyes
And now all I wannna see
Is a sky full of lightets, a sky full of lighters

Dedicated to everyone... move on with our life everyday & make the sky full of lighters!!