he .. cried ..

my dear blog, i wanna keep my favorite part in vampire diaries in inside my blog .. where Damon confess to Elena & telling why she can't know about his confession ..! oh my guard! i understand how this feeling !! seriously i understand .... and here are the scenes :

Damn says :

i love u, Elena ..

& it's bcos i love u ..

i can't be selfish with u ..

y can't u know this ..

i don't deserve u ..

but my brother does ..

seriously ! this is hurt enough for Damon knowing that he is falling for someone that can't be with him.. Talking about the SELFISH word that Damon said, Damon is always selfish .. he killed anyone he wanted .. he have sex with any girl that he wanted .. but, when it comes to someone that he love, he can't be selfish anymore .. love does change him .. when it comes to Elena, he changed .. deep inside his heart, he really wish that Elena would love him just the way he love Elena, how he really wish he can have Elena as his girlfriend .. but, when it comes to the thing that he seriously love, he didn't force her .. he just accept the fact that Elena is not loving him .. Elena just care about him .. soooooooo hurtful !! ....... but .. this is life ! this is love ! what more can i say about it ! .. then .. he kissed Elena's forehead .. sweet !!

aarrhhh !  poor Damon .. i can feel it ..... then .. he compel ( some kind of vampire's ability to persuade people to do what ever they wanted ..) /// he compel Elena to forgot everything that happen that night ..  he just wish that Elena dont have to forget about it .. but, Elena should never know this ! (just like my situation also!! ) ......... so hard .. so hurtful ..

then .. he compelled her .. with a very heavy-hearted ..!!

this is the best part ! tears run down his face !!! (well .. i have to save the best for the last) woooowww!!!! really2 deep hurt there !!!!!  well .. this is just a drama .. real life will always be a real life ..

afraid ..

i made myself busy editing this pic for a few hours .. LMAO!

my dear blog .. a few of my latest entry wasn't about my sadness, or my 'emo' story about my love story .. i am quite relief knowing that i didn't post 'emo' entry .. anyway .. now i am going to post an emo entry .. 

my dear blog, at the beginning of my holiday, it was hard .. well, missing someone sooo much .. but, even at Unimas, it seems like i am hurt by my own feeling .. so , what's the point ?? .. actually, before this, when i thought abut semester break, i was hoped that this holiday will help me to forget my feeling toward someone, at least, reduce my feeling .. now, it is near the end of my semester break .. the question are, can i make it?? can i successfully over my feeling ?? how will the situation ?? are there will be unexpected thing happen to me ?? am i gonna broken into pieces just like i was ??...... i am just afraid that everything will be just like the previous semester .. but .. i look forward to have a brighter life, happier life in Unimas .. hope to be more smarter in my study to have a better result .. ops! BETTER RESULT ?? what is that 'thing'?? i think, i am gonna make an entry about my latest result ... 

my dear blog .. i am afraid to face this coming semester .. =(

sayang awak!! plis don't get hurt!

my dear blog .... i want to introduce you with my lovely PERODUA VIVA !! i wanna name it  Damon Salvatore .. but, i don't know ..... Too long i guess ... but its ok .. I just tinted it last Saturday ! finally my car is almost complete ... about viser, i don't really think that i wanna put it .. rather than viser, hope i can put spoiler 1st !! haha ! do i have enough money ???? well, money is always not gonna enough .. but, i'll try to figure it out how to get it ... hopefully my car will always in a good condition .. i learned a lot from my brothers, friends & some reading in the internet about perodua viva .. hope, i will take care of you just like a hawk watching its baby ..!  love u soooo much ! u looks soooo macho after tinted.. haha! cuz the windows are looking smoking hot when it is dark ! love u! love u! love u! hi hi hi  .. about the picture, the above one, is already being removed the background .... but then, second pic, i don't feel like wanna remove the background .. haha .. u look great babe! hope to change ur rim next ! but .. rim is soooo expensive ......... never mind ... u look great what ever u r ... as long as i have car as transportation university, that is enough ... talking about financial, having a car, it is a bit less stable .. cuz, i have to think about fuel, service .... so ... hope, next coming semester, i will manage my money in the best way .... my lovely perodua viva .. hope to call you Damon, i will always love u!! haha

90210 – the vampire diaries – glee

Dear blog … for about one week, I tried to finish 3 tv series kept inside of my hard disc for more than 3 month .. perhaps those tv series is gonna change to JERUK .. hi hi hi ..

1^st . try to finish 90210

from left : Naomi, Liam, Annie, Adrianna, Navid, Dixon, Silver, Tedd

.... all about teenagers ................................ all the conflict between family, couple , unexpected love .. seriously I understand all those emotion .. haha ..!!! now .. i am waiting for season 3 episode 12 to come out .. but, from what i heard in internet, episode 12 will be broadcast January 2011 .. there are a lot of question that need answer!!!  ...... from the episode 11 that i watched .... Annie is getting well with Liam ! YESSSS!! i am so happy, cuz from the 1st season, i hoped Annie will be couple with liam .. even at that time, there was no sign at all Annie would be in love with Liam & so do Liam .. but ! JUST LIKE IN THE REAL LIFE ! Annie & Liam unexpectedly loving each other ! sooo sweet ! just like one of the facebook page that i like ..

THE FIRST TIME I MET U I DIDNT THINK I WOULD FALL IN LUV WITH YOU,BUT I DID ..

while watching a few scene in this drama, i hope that love is not as hard as what i experienced .. i hope that , even " THE FIRST TIME I MET U I DIDNT THINK I WOULD FALL IN LUV WITH YOU,BUT I DID .. "  ... i hope that 'someone' would feel the same way, just like in this drama .. but .. no! it is not work between me & 'someone' .. =(  .... 

Annie is watching Liam sleeping .. Liam was injured , just come back from Hospital ... aarrrgghh .. so sweet!! she is watching him with full of love & care ... hurmm.. when will i get this kind of relationship??? 

Liam woke up, & they start to talk .... Annie told Liam that, when she heard that Liam is in the hospital, she said, her heart is just like stop for a while, there, she know that, when Liam is Ok, she will be Ok .. Then, Liam said that, He is in love with Annie .. Hurmmmm... sweet & sweet & sweet .... but me???? not at all !

NAvid on the left .. talking with Silver .. telling that, he is UNEXPECTEDLY falling in love with Silver .. & Silver feel the same way .. OH MY GUARD !.. very lucky ... Navid started the conversation telling that he is sorry for making things AWKWArD  between them .. ((seriously, i know this feeling)) .. but then, in this drama, Silver also feel the same way !! sooooo good . but in real life .. when we r falling for someone, UNEXPECTEDLY, that someone not always feel the same way ............. that is real life ... kinda sucks for me .. at some point in my life .. i really hate love !  

i am quite understand with all the emotion that being captured in this drama .. plus,  a few scene where they start to falling in love unexpectedly for the person that they don't expect to love when they 1st meet him or her , i am quite understand there .. but, my life isn't that sweet .. i hope it is sweet just like in this drama .. but, no .. & it's ok .. i try to deal with it carefully .. 

then .. i watch the vampire diaries .. 

from left standing : Elena Gilbert or Katherine, Stefan Salvatore, Jeremy Gilbert, Damon Salvatore. From left, sitting : Bonnie , Caroline ..    

Oh Dear Blog, at 1st time i watched this drama, the first thing that came out in my mind is, typical forbidden love between vampire & human ... kinda heart broken .. but,  i continue watching this drama, because of two things .. 

1. because i like 'superpower' kinda drama or movies ..

2. because of broken hearted kind of story , love everywhere ..

.... but then , after a few episode i watched this drama, it is not just about FORBIDDEN LOVE between vampire & human .. it is more than that .. until now, the vampire diaries is a great drama .. about sibling rivalry, the bonding between the family, all the secret, all the lies, & all the action & power .. there's so much great things that this drama gave to me when watching this .. about one character in this drama .. Damon ..

Damon is just .... always making jokes .. event at a critical time, he still making his jokes .. i like this character .. then , he is one of the character that are BROKEN HEARTED ...... pity him .. everything is just about stefan .. Elena or Katerine, both , fall in love with Stefan .. While Damon just stay strong behind his broken heart .. he is spending his time with elena & stefan because he care about elena .. he love elena .. but , his love is only one-sided love .. poor Damon .. seriously I UNDERSTAND .. most of the time, when he is joking with elena, spending time with elena, he is just sooo happy , but , what to do, Elena will only love Stefan .. 

this is the scene where Damon was seriously, deeply hurt .. at that nite, both, Elena & Katerine telling Damon the exact same phrase .. "it's always gonna be Stefan".. poor Damon .. he is very down .. going back to his home .. I JUST UNDERSTAND THIS HURT FEELING !

 then ... Glee ...

puc, mercedes, rachel, fin,quenn, artie,tina, kurt

my dear blog .. about glee .. i love how they put the story line of this drama .. nothing much i want to say .. just that .. I WISH I CAN JOIN GLEE AND SING WITH THEM !!!! haha ....

this is the last episode for season 1 .. they are singing over the rainbow ..

this is puc and mr.shu singing in front .. leading the song over the rainbow .. someties, i like the character of Puc in this drama cuz 1st of all .. Quenn didn't choose him ... haha

********************well ... that is all the tv series that i tried to finish for about one week ..now, i am trying to catch vampire diaries cuz the is sooo much mystery .. thank to syok.org for serving the link for me to download season 2 of vampire diaries .. but .. link for episode 2 & 5 were broken .. sucks .. i have to get it from torrent .... ......last but not least my dear blog, my love story is real .. love story in drama seems real but, seriously unreal !! when i watch the drama, i might get carried away by the emotion in the drama cuz i am understand, but, i still hope that my love story is better than in those drama! haha ****

r.e.v.e.a.l.........

oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my draft for my upcoming post was just LOST!!!!!!! i've created it for a few hours yesterday, but .....! just now ! i wanna edit it a bit, but then .. everything turned out BLANK!! and, to make thing worst, this BLOGSPOT had their 'automatically save', when this post is blank, it will be saved as BLANK ! & BLANK is the result !!!
& ... i've already deleted all my status in my FB except the latest one ... because, the thing that i wanna reveal is, what actually i wrote in my status that most people in FB can't read, as i just choose the person that i think that they are not JUDGE MENTAL or close enough with me, or the people that i love the most, only them can read my status ..... my status sometime sound happy, sometime sound sad, sometime sound wanna die, sound giving up & more .. only special person can read those status .. SO ! THAT ARE WHAT I WANNA REVEAL those HERE!!! but ... everything gone wrong, i can't reveal it anymore, & nothing i can do about it ..  ..


my dear blog, this is sad ~ ~ ~


i guess .. this is meant to be like this .. those status will be just a secrete between me & anyone who can read it .. so .. still .. those status .. are secret .. & i already delete them .. so ...... everything will be just inside of my head & anyone head .. no more inside of internet ....   i feel so rugi .. but .. what to do .. maybe, if anyone read it from my blog, those people will speculate ridiculous conclusion .. perhaps... that is the hikmah behind this .. it's ok .....

still .. this is sad~ ~ 

Song theme for my blog ..

My dear blog .. from what i've told you from previous post, telling that i wanna reveal something that i actually wrote in my status in Facebook, but , not everyone can read it .. cuz i hide those status from MOST people .. so ... this one repulic song .. entitle = secret .. is Special for my upcoming post and my situation everyday which "MY SECRET" is killing me everyday ....

The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Your Guardian Angel

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face
I can't replace
And now that I'm strong
I have figured out
How this world turns cold
and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find
deep inside me
I can be the one

I will never let you fall(let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all(though it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
[to fade]

to 'someone' ...
****even if saving you sends me to heaven**************

i dont want 'someone' to hurt ..

My dear blog .. Now ..  I wanna wrote again .. there’s so much things I wanna story to you .. but.. I just cant simply wrote here ..

 It’s all about S.O.M.E.O.N.E

My dear blog .. Hurting someone that I love is one of the things that I really scared of .. even ‘someone’ that don’t realize that I love ‘someone’ .. but .. when I hurt ‘someone’ with anything, such as my attitude or my word, & watching that ‘someone’ feeling a bad about me, mad at me, hurt by me, I feel worst ..!  I am very afraid ‘someone’ is hurt by me .. to me .. ‘someone’ is my priority .. to me .. ‘someone’ is just too special that placed inside my heart .. so, I am very afraid that ‘someone’ would hate me .. even when I am apologizing to ‘someone’ .. & ‘someone’ told me that it’s ok, sometimes, I can feel bad for a few hours .. I feel soo bad .. …………………..better I don’t elaborate too long about this, coz I need to hide much of the details ………………………………………  but .. the point is, I am scared of hurting someone that I really love   .. I hate watching ‘someone’’s gloomy face .. I wish I can cheer up so that the face wont be sad anymore .. I am scared that someone would get annoyed by my word or attitude .. when the face looks happy, to me, it is enough .. even I am jealous watching that ‘someone’ is laughing with someone else, not with me, but, I guess that is more than enough .. that’s a relief for me .. but, when ‘someone’ is smiling just bcos of me, that would make me flying at ninth cloud .. ‘someone’’s happiness is my happiness .. but .. ‘someone’ don’t know about it .. & it’s ok for me .. I hope, I am the one who can make ‘someone’’s happy, I guess, I am not the one ..

I am just NOT THE ONE ..

[Down… Tired … Afraid…]

My dear blog.. guess .. this post  aint what am I gonna wrote just like what I’ve promised you before .. I am  not  going to reveal it yet..   my dear blog .. I am afraid .. next week is gonna be a tough week for me and my coursemate .. guess .. I am down again .. I am afraid that I don’t have any enthusiasm to study harder for this coming exam .. my dear blog .. since yesterday .. I’ve been thinking .. I just want to move on .. & I am stucked .. I don’t know, for the last few days, I am doing just fine .. but .. yesterday .. I feel down .. ignoring my feeling from yesterday until now is just like what I’ve experienced before .. I am getting broken into pieces .. I don’t know, when this could be ended.. loving someone is killing me .. i just wanna go far away from here .. to any place so that I can forget ‘someone’ .. I just wanna go far far away & stay there until I forgot about someone .. until I am stable enough to face everything at this current place .. my dear blog .. I just wanna talk directly to that person telling that = I am sorry to have this feeling .. I just can’t control myself .. me neither don’t want this feeling .. but.. what to do .. this is not what I had planned = ***no! that person should never know this***

My dear blog .. I am afraid .. I am getting down .. I am getting down again .. I don’t know what to do .. I am just stuck here………………………… I know .. it is useless to waste my time to have this kind of feeling, to love someone deeply until I am suffering every day, but how? How can I move on.. i wish I can tell you here y am I stuck .. but, can’t tell you here ..

My dear blog .. I am really hoping that i am strong enough to face the next coming exam ... I am really hoping that this ‘unstable’ feeling dont come out during this exam .. but .. I guess .. I am getting down & down …………  I am afraid that I will not do my revision bcos of no enthusiasm … I am afraid that my result will ruin .. aaarrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh… I wanna go far away from here .. I wanna stop the time .. until I am ready .. perhaps, my writing here sounds like a pathetic person who cant move, but , I don’t care … I just wrote what I wanna write .. I know how to handle myself …  

My dear bog .. listening to Maher Zain’s songs helps me a lot … but .. ‘someone’ is just my strength to live everyday .. I have my friends who support me everytime .. but .. ‘someone’ is just affecting me too much.. why should I am affected by ‘someone’ soo much like this .. ‘someone’ that would never love me just the way I love ‘someone’ … why should ‘someone’ that I really love is ‘that person’ ..

My dear blog ... I am getting tired again ... I don’t know how to stand up & smile to the world again … my dear blog ... I am tired ... I am tired .. I am tired of loving ‘someone’ ... I need to be strong to face this coming exam … not tired & hurting ...  

_______________________AFRAID THAT IT WILL RUIN MY FINAL EXAM____________________________

reveal something

my next post would be .... i wanna reveal something that most people dont read in facebook for my next post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! something that most people cant read from my FB ..

i am stucked ........

My dear blog.. yesterday was my 1st paper for my final exam .. last week , during study week, i was not studying just the way i need to study .. I JUST HATE MYSELF when i am like this.. i hope i am not like this .. i hope i am hardworking more and more .. I got everything .. what more can i asked for? i just need to study harder & harder .. not like this! I hope i will study harder after this ..

My dear blog.. yesterday, i am quite unsatisfied with my exam .. the duration for that exam is only 2 hours, & during the 1st hour, i just keep mengelamun .. wasting my time .. then, i realize that the time is running out .. i finished my answers quickly .. semesti nya! my answer is not a good answer!!! adddoohhhh! but never mind .. let the bygone be bygone!!!!! & tomorrow .. i got mandarin test .. & now , i am wasting my time writing in my blog .. SUCH A GOOD TIME MANAGEMENT!!! congratulation to myself .. ! good boy! hahahaa ..

My dear blog .. last few days, perhaps last week .. suddenly , one of my friends suddenly texted me .. asking whether i am ok or not .. the text sound like this ( a bit .. ) ....... >>>>>> sein, ko ok ka? <<<<    .. i was really shocked! well , i am in a middle of my conversation with my friend, & suddenly a message pop out and asking that i am ok or not .. i didnt answer that question, but i asked he back .. y is he asking me that way .. my friend said, i look serabai .. or in other word serabut .. or i guess, it means .. messy .. i was still shocked .. i asked again for confirmation .. u mean serabai in what way? my hair? .. he told me .. i look messy , my hair & also my face .. he said .. i looked penat & sad .. & i still shocked .. i asked him .. really?? am i looked like that ?? cuz no one ever told me like that before .. he asked me again whether i am ok or not .. at that point .. i was speechless .. but .. at the time he asked me whether i am ok or not .. i just wondering, did he know i am not ok?????????? .. i just dont know how to explain .. everything was just too complicated , hard , long & winded explanation .. lastly .. i told my friend to read my blog .. i just dont know how to explain .. hope he would understand what was happening to me when he read my blog ...  i dont know .. my story for what is happening to me now is = it is easy in to say in a few sentence, but, hard to explain .. >> what happen is >> i fall in love to someone, someone that will never love me just the way i love someone, its hurt, & i cant ignore the feeling, the feeling cause my life upside down everyday, sometimes i am ok, sometimes i am very down, but, i am very fragile everyday, because i am struggling everyday to be happy & normal just the way i was, & most of the time, i am struggling to be normal, happy & cool , when outside, in a crowd, i was joking with my friend at the fullest so that the crowd will not notice that i am actually hurting .. that is what happen .... 'someone' that i have mentioned just.. nobody knows except I and Allah .. you neither dont know who is that my lovely blog .. & i am afraid people who know that i am falling for someone would speculate anything about me .. i hope people around me dont speculate such a ridiculous thing .. SO .. THAT IS WHAT WAS HAPPENING .. i just cant control myself to reduce my feeling .. i just cant control myself to be cool .. i just cant control myself to be stable .. i wish i am not terlalu sayang kan someone .. There are the time when I ask forgiven from Allah because of i am terlalu sayangkan seseorang .. I hope i am not this terlalu sayang but ... i cant control .. sooooo sad..

sambung balik about my friend who texted me just now, i said, i was trying to cover my sadness so that no one notice except my closest friend, i am bergurau & laughing at the fullest in the crowd so that my sadness is covered// but .. he notice .. he got such a strong eyes .. Lucky me to have his as my friend .. but .. I am so sorry to people around me .. some of my friends , i didnt share my story because i dont share my sadness too much with my friend .. my friend deserve a happy story from me .. but .. i am just a pathetic guy who are foolishly in love with someone ..

my dear blog .. just like what i have posted in my previous post, the healing is starting .. i guess .. it is starting .. but .. i am stucked .. i stuck with my old feeling .. too care about someone .. too much thinking about someone .. too worry about someone .. i am stucked .. i know i am healing .. for the past few days.. i create a few words for me .. which are .. 'i dont care' .. 'its ok' .. 'i am fine' ....... and i let go anything that is going to happen especially when things are related to 'someone' ..i guess .. those words are getting strong .. & after i am using those words in my mind, i will force myself to smile .. & it works a bit .. haha ..

i guess .. i wanna stop here .. i hope i can finish my revision for mandarin .. all those millions of characters are killing me to memorize !!! aarrgghhhhhhh.........

[ Healing is starting?? I hope so ]

My dear blog .. it is already 12.46 am / Saturday / October 30th .. Just come back from Victoria Forest Restaurant .. 4 of us was having our dinner there.. A very special restaurant .. Guess.. i wanna tell what happened to me & what i had done today (Friday , October 29th)...............

When i woke up , i was still upset .. It is bcos something had hurt my feeling the nite before .. too hurting .. I had no mood at all when i was woke up .. i wrote my status in facebok, telling that .. “i was really2 hoped that i am not awake anymore this morning” .. this morning .. i felt like i am loosing my grip .. i am broken into pieces .. i woke up, took bath, &  went to cafe to have lunch with my friends .. i was very down untill i cant smile & talk with my friends. I just came to their table, sit & just silent .. They asked me wheter i am gonna have my lunch or not .. I just said no .. & continue my ‘silent’ess .. one of my fren asked me, u looked gloomy .. i just kept on silent.. they knew i am down .. then .. he asked me again, y dont u have ur luch? .. then, he asked to have my lunch, .. & i just refused.. then .. they finished their luch, & we went to masjid to performed Solat Jumaat ...
Lepas solat jumaat, kawan memang dh janji nk mintak aku bawak diorang pegi beli external hard disc & pendrive .. on the way baik dari solat jumaat tu, kawan aku tanya lagi “ko ok ke? Aku takut ko x ok kalau aku bawak pegi Saberkas ni ..” .. aku just cakap aku ok .. then .. b4 kami pegi shopping mall, kami pegi fakulti .. nk uruskan hal sedikit .. time tu, aku dh ceria balik .. Alhamdulillah sgt2 sbab aku dh ok balik .. murung memang menyakitkan .. lepas tu, kami pn pegi saberkas, utk beli barang .. time on the way pegi situ , aku ok .. time tgk2 barang pn aku ok .. tp .. selepas beberapa ketika, aku tiba2 down.. sebab aku down tu.. aku tak nk taip... baru sekejap aku happy, dah down balik .. aku sangat kesian dengan kawan2 aku, sebab terpaksa tengok muka aku yang murung mcm biawak direbus .. tp, aku tk dpt nk pura2 happy .. then diorang tanya aku, hari tu , ko terlepas nk tengok sunset kan? Jom kita tengok sunset .. aku yang tengah down sangat2 tu pn stuju .. kami pn moving toward pantai pasir pandak .. dlm kreta, aku senyap je .. aku still down .. i am thinking a lot during that time.. on the way pegi pantai, aku ajak kawan aku smbyg Asar.. Alang2 kami melintas majid Jamek Kuching .. tp, time tu dah aound kol 6.15.. aku ajak sebab takut terlepas solat asar kalau dh smpai pntai nnti... dah habis solat, masing2 tgk jam.. kalau kami teruskn niat pegi pntai, kompem tak sempat nk tgk sunset.. so.. plan pn cancel .. aku ajak diorg makan spagetti kat airport kuching pulak ..lpas solat asar tu, aku dh kurang down dah.. Solat memang menenangkn jiwa.. then .. baru beberapa minit aku happy, ada something yang buat aku down sangat2 balik .. terus.. aku cakap, cancel la makan kt airport, jom balik .. aku sangat hurt time tu.. tp, aku takut, kalau dh sampai unimas, aku still down, makin down pulak .. aku mengeluh dalam hati .. tak habis2 lagi kah benda yang menyedihkn aku?   .. aku saaangat down sebab dari bangun pagi, smpai pukul 6 petang mcm tu aku still down ... what a very pathetic life for me...! hepi sikit .. ada lagi benda yg buat aku down .. hepi sikit .. ada lagi benda yang buat aku down .. hari aku sangat menyedihkan.. i whisper to myself .. tak habis2 lagi benda yg buat aku down hari ni... then .. on the way balik ke unimas, aku pikir, kalau aku still down mcm ni, balik unimas, nnti bertambah down lagi aku sampai kat unimas.. so, tiba2, aku ckp, jom la pegi pantai .. trus, kami pn pegi pntai .. kawan2 aku tahu, aku belum mkn lagi dari tgh hari .. diorg pn tanya aku, ko x lapar ke? .. seriusly aku lapar, tp, aku just senyapkn diri .. on the way pegi pantai, aku memang down sangat2 .. 3 org kawan aku la yg jadi saksi semua nya .. b4 pegi pantai, kawan aku yang terlalu concern & sangat baik hati & sangat2 penyayang stop kat kedai runcit, diorg belikan aku makanan sebab diorg tahu aku sangat lapar.. aku refuse.. sebab aku down sangat.. lapar dari pagi pn aku x kesah.. tapi, diorg tetap belikan aku mknan.. diorg sgt baik .. diorang pujuk2 aku lagi suruh makan walau pun aku refuse.. memang susah nk cari kawan mcm diorg.. time tu dh pukul 7 lebih .. kitorg pn dah nk sampai area pantai pasir pandak .. aku mintak kawan aku berhenti kt surau kt situ dulu, takut terlepas waktu maghrib .. lepas solat .. kitorang pn pegi pantai .. aku pn start mengelamun... termenung kat pantai tu .. then .. lepas tu .. aku pn borak2 dgn kawan aku .. ombak memang kuat kali ni.. air pasang .. agak tinggi .. lepas tu .. aku pn recover .. dah tak sedih langsung .. aku tulis kat pantai .. “i hope i am OK” .. “i want to end this” .. & ada beberapa lagi yang aku tak nk taip sini .. lepas beberapa minit aku tulis, ombak terus sapu tulisan aku .. sebab ombak sangat kuat malam tu .. dh dekat pukul 10 mlm, kitorg pn beransur balik dari pantai .. 1st decide n pegi mkn kat airport.. seperti yg aku ckp b4 tu ... nk makan spagetti .. then, kitorg pn pegi airport .. tp, sblom pegi kedai tu .. kitorg cuci kaki dulu.. sebab penuh dengan pasir .. hahaa.. lucu nya .. pegi airport dengan pasir2 yang banyak kat kaki .. memang pelik .. then , pegi kedai makanan tu, tapi dah tutup .. then, baru lah kitorg pegi Restoran Victoria Forest .. tp, memang lawak , sebab pegi airport sebab nk cuci kaki yang banyak pasir . tu je .. haha. Lawak.. lawak .. lepas tu.. sampai kat victoria forest, kitorg order makanan >>> 2 jenis sorang >>> sorang makan 2 >>> kawan aku order nasi goreng seafood & laksa swk .. >>> kawan aku yg satu lagi pn order 2 jenis mknan.. sampai budak yang amik order tu pn blur .. hahahaa.... then .. kitorg pn mkn sampai perut rasa nk pecah .. hahaaaa...  then.. sampai unimas pukul 12.30 malam .. then, aku sembyg Isya’ // then , tulis blog ni ......... lepas aku balik dari pantai tu , aku dapat feel satu feeling , satu feeling yang otak aku dah start connect balik dengan hati aku .. aku start balik fikir benda2 yang rasional .. aku rasa aku dh ready untuk menghentikan episod sedih dalam hidup aku .. aku dapat feel yang aku akan sentiasa positif, melakukan semua pekerjaan kerana Allah , kalau aku start terluka tengok org yang aku sangat sayang, aku akn mengelak dari bersedih.. Kerana aku yakin .. Allah will always be there for me .. sebelum ni , aku memang dah terfikir untuk pulih macam ni .. tapi .. everyday aku mcm terlalu sayangkn org tu.. perasaan sayang aku terlalu kuat sampai aku tak dapat nk jai rasional sangat .. Aku memang slalu berusaha mem’positif’kan diri .. tapi, kerana aku terlalu sayang kan ‘dia’, aku jadi rapuh.. aku jadi lemah .. tapi start dari time aku taip blog ni, Alhamdulillah .. aku harap aku akan ok sampai bila2.. aku dapat feel yang, the healing period is going to start .. Insy-Allah .. Semoga aku sentiasa mendapat bimbingan Allah ....... timing untuk healing process ini sangat cun .. study week pn dah dekat .. so, aku tak lah sentiasa bersedih & mengelamun lagi time study sampai tak dapat focus .. sebab result midterm aku hancur sebab dalam kepala otak aku hanya pikir orang tu ...... Jai You!!! Fighting!!!!!!! 

a sweet memory ..

wahai encik belog yang ku rindui selalu.. aku nk story something yang terjadi kat aku time bulan yang lepas... 21 atau 22 ogos yang lepas... dah lupa exact tarikh.. time tu aku kt umah mak cik aku.. aku balik kampung mak cik aku.. weekend la katakan.. nk merasa puasa dengan family mak cik aku.. petang tu.. aku dapat kol dari mak aku.. mak aku cakap.. something yang mengecewakan la... malas nk taip dalam blog.. hi hi hi.. sebab tu bukan point sebenar aku... aku sedih sangat petang... berita yang mengecewakan aku tu aku trima time dh dekat bk berbuka.. time tu aku masih boleh kol free untuk nombor 8pax celcom.. promosi time birthday aku.... aku down sangat petang tu.. aku kol kawan aku... laaaama aku kol... nak di pendekkan crita.. tiba2 kawan2 aku cakap, jom kita pegi mana2 tempat.. aku cakap, kalau mak cik aku give permision untuk guna kreta, baru aku boleh .. atau pun diorang ambik aku kat sini.. then, mak cik aku x benarkan.. then, diorang pun datang jemput aku kt kampung mak cik aku ni.. aku still down sangat.. then, kitorg 5 org pun kluar... naik kreta kancil.. aku tanya, "nk pegi mana ni?" ... then ... kawan aku cakap.. jom pegi pantai.. aku pun macam, eemmmm .. ok la... pantai = malam ??? emmm... pelik tp best.. kot? haha/// kitorang pun pegi pntai mlm tu.. aku yg tengah down tu, sampai je pantai.. trus aku termenung dan melayan perasaan .. dengan keadaan pantai , angin malam yg sejuk sikit, bunyi ombak, suasana tenang.. aku bukan down just sebab "hal" yang mak ku bagi tau tadi, aku memang always sedih sebab "love story" aku yang "pathetic" tu.. time aku struggling to happy everyday, ada lagi "hal" yang menyedihkan datang.. so.. down tahap cipan la, aku.. back to the pantai, aku duduk2, tarik nafas panjang2 & termenung ke arah laut.. saaangat mengembirakan.... aku saaangat thankful dengan kawan2 aku... a dah tak down sangat.. saaangat berterima kasih kat kawan2 aku......... sambil kitorg borak2 kat situ... tiba one of my kawan cakap.. tulis impian kat pasir pantai ni.. dia tulis la macam2... aku tulis kecik jak.. aku tulis pasal "orang tu" je... hu hu hu.. time dah sebok nk balik.. aku tulis impian aku dan aku tulis nama orang tu sekali.. tapi, kawan2 aku dah sebok nak masok kreta.. so... that nite, nama orang tu tertulis jelas atas pasir pantai tu dan semua kawan aku tak baca pun.. haha.. nasib jugak duorg tak baca.. & aku harap, impian yang kami tulis malam tu semua jadi realiti... (walau pun impian aku mcm mustahil.. :( ... aku tetap hoping those dream will be a reality ) ... sweet sangat malam tu... 1st aku tenangkan diri dengan keadaan pantai yang saaangat indah... then.. tulis impian atas pasir pantai tu........ semoga ombak yang terkena tulisan aku malam tu akan turut mendoakan impian aku untuk jadi reality....................

a post dedicated to myself

hey you!
i hate you!
i hate you!
i hate you!
falling for someone is not a big deal, ok!
why you cant handle this?!!
why??
because of this thing, you are not the way you should act, the way you should talk, the way you should response to people around you!!!!
hey!!!
stop this drama!!!
plis!!!
you are not living your life the way you should live your life anymore!!
that person is not going to give a huge impact on you ok!!!!
stop this! just stop it!!!!!!!!!
i hate you for being like this!!! i hate you!
stop being too fragile when things is related to that person!!
plis be as cool as you can!
plis be as happy as you can!
plis be as strong as you can!
plis be as rational as you can!
plis!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate you now!! i just hAte seeing you like this!! that person is not everything!!!!
stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! plis! i beg you to stop all these things!
i beg you.....................................................

Cat rumah..............

my dearest blog.. i just finished painting..... painting area yang sikit je.. bapak suruh cat area yg masih tertinggal..... time aku goleng2 kan roller cat tu kat dinding.. aku termenung.. if my heart can be painted with this paint.. & cover all my misery.. i wanted to paint my heart with a joyful colour .. so that no more sorrow & sadness would be appear .. all that can be seen is the joyful.. the happiness.. all the dirt, the faded colour are all being painted .. & showing the world only the new & fresh colour .. but .. that is only my angan2... not real at all.. so sad... tonite is malam raya .. i wish i am not at home rite now ............................... hurmmmmmm.. everything is sucks ... i hate myself.. i hate everything around me .. that is y i wish i can paint my heart just now .. i just want to enjoy this raya .. but .. a few things make me toooooooooooooooooooo upset .. the major thing that make me disappoint are 2 things ........... "someone" and car problem .................. & few other things.... i know... i should be just cool with all these problem & enjoy the moment .. but.. i just cant fake my smile.. i hate it that i cant enjoy my malam raya... i am just hate myself............................................................................................................................................................................. i wish i can called that person rite now & have a very long conversation until i sleep & tomorrow.. i wake up with a very big smile on my face ........................ T_T .. but .. no!!!!!! that's not gonna happen .. i just wish i can remove this unhappy feeling .. can i?????

mad ..

my dear blog ..
today .. when i think about that person .. i just get mad with myself... i am angry with myself... i hate myself for can not get rid of that person from my mind .. now.. i am still mad at myself ... when someone text me, the 1st person that i hope that text me is that person .. like just now .. i suddenly smile when my phone sound.. but .. it was someone else ..... hurmm... i am just too angry with myself rite now .. i dont arrange my life proper anymore .. my room is like hell .. my self is like zombie .. y am i should be like this.. can i just take this thing easy & move on with my wonderful life???????????????????

i just need that person .. i just miss that person .. i just wanna know what's the news .. is it fine there .. is it happy there .. is it busy there .. but .. y should i know all that?? i am no body to that person .. i am just no one to that person .. so..... STOP! i wish i can shut down myself .... & start over with no feeling toward that person anymore ......................

last but not least .. ******* my post is still a pathetic post talking about my pathetic life falling for someone ******************************* SUCKS !

i hate myself

my dear blog.. i hate myself now... i really hate myself................................. for loving someone............... y should this happen to me.. i just want to get rid of that person from my mind........... i dont know.................. sucks! i want my life back... normal life... not worrying someone... thinking of someone... missing someone like hell...........

**** again.... a pathetic post from me ***********

like a fool......................

wahai encik blog kesayangan ku..
aku baru bangun tido.. 20 minit lagi berbuka.. aku tertido dalam 15 minit macam tu.. tertido dengan kuching kesayangan aku kat paha.. haha.. dah la time tido tu.. anak buah aku yang comel berlegar-legar kat sekeliling... ish2... aku tertido bukan sebab pemalas, k... tertido sebab penat cat rumah sikit dari pukul 10 sampai pukul 2 tadi...

encik blog.. aku nak mengeluh pasal "dia" lagi ni.. harap encik still ok lagi nk dengar aku merengek ...

time aku bangun tido tadi.. tiba2 aku rasa mcm org bodoh je sebab jatuh hati kat "dia".. then sayang sangat kat "dia"... then selalu rindukan "dia".... aku adalah orang yang menyedihkan....... bodoh.... sebab jatuh hati kat orang tu.. eee... kenapa la aku bodoh sangat.. wahai "dia"... aku tak sengaja nk jatuh kat awak... aku mintak maaf.......... lepas aku rasa macam tu.. aku teringat lagu gaseumi yokhae .. then.. aku post dlm FB part lirik tu.... 바보처럼 그저 바라보는 못난 사랑을 .... maksu nya... Umpama si bodoh, aku terus memandangmu meskipun cinta ini sukar/mustahil ........... hurmmmm..... bongok la aku ni... aku tak tau nk buat apa... tiap hari aku ingat kat "dia"............ can i just stop doing this!!! ..

>>>>>>>life = unexpected = making me fool for loving someone that is impossible to love <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

still about you..

My dear blog.. seems like 3 more days to raya.. its been 2 days i am home.. & i miss that person sooo much.. my dear blog, i dont know... i hate this.. why am i should love that person sooo much ? i should love Allah more than anything else.. for this ramadhan, it is the 1st ramadhan that i experience of hurting from loving someone.. & it is gonna be my 1st raya missing someone far away... i just wanna have my normal life back... i never thought i would be like this.. maybe there are goodness behind all of this misery.. i dont know.......... i am just tired... can i just keep this "uneasy feeling" inside a box & throw that box away... its like every single second i keep thinking about that person.. i just wanna text that person sooo much.. i just wanna make a phonecall to that person soo much.. but?? what should i told that person?? i dont wanna bother that person.. & i dont want that person would feel wierd.. i wish i can call that person & tell, "i just miss u sooo much, what r u doing there?" ...... but that is impossible.. i wish we can text each other.. aarrgghhh... i am just a fool... i am just fool because of falling for someone like this.. i just want my normal life back.. i am just tired thinking of that person every single second in my life... aaarrgghhhh.......... this is soooo hard.... sooo hurting me... every thing that i did is not feeling right.. i miss that person.. even just a msg from that person could make my life shining bright .. but .. that would never happen .. i dont know.. i dont know.. i dont know.. i want to end this.......... i want this to be ended .. its not working between us.. so ... i need to end this ..... but .. my heart is yelling to me that i miss that person.. my heart is yelling to me that i want that person.. my heart is yelling to me that i love that person soooooo much.. my heart is yelling to me that i care about that person... worrying about that person......... but... i want this to be ended.. nothing will happen between us.......... nothing... nothing.. nothing..........................................................................................................................................................................................

oh my dear blog .. hurting everyday is not my option.. i dont asked to hurt.. but.. this is what happen to me.. sometimes.. i am the one who are the most hyper active in joking with people around me just to cover my sadness..

my der blog.......... i love that person sooo much.... can i just say i dont love that person & nothng will happen...................................... can i just say that i dont miss that person... i wish it is that easy........

i dont know what am i merepek here about....... but..... i am just tired of missng that peron.................................

D,masiv - merindukanmu

Lirik Lagu D’Masiv – Merindukanmu


saat aku tertawa di atas semua
saat aku menangisi kesedihanku
aku ingin engkau selalu ada
aku ingin engkau aku kenang

reff:
selama aku masih bernafas
masih sanggup berjalan
ku kan slalu memujamu

meski ku tak tahu lagi
engkau ada di mana
dengarkan aku ku merindukanmu

saat aku mencoba merubah segalanya
saat aku meratapi kekalahanku
aku ingin engkau selalu ada
aku ingin engkau aku kenang

repeat reff


****** aku ingin engkau selalu ada ___ :-( ********

just menaip ... nothing actually

.......my dear blog.... i wanna wrote something to that person .. aarrgghh.. this soo hard for me everyday .................................>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

you...
can you love me just the way i love you
can you miss me just the way i miss you
can you care about me just the way i care about you...

you...
i think about you almost every hour in my life...
are you doing the same thing??

you...
knowing that it is not working between us is hurting me..
knowing that your feeling aint the same with my feeling is hurting me..
knowing that i will still looking at you & telling in my heart that i love u is hurting me..
missing you & cant tell you that i miss you is hurting me..
care about everything that you do and cant do anything is hurting me..

you...
i am tired of being sad thinking of this...
i am tired of missing you..
i am tired...
i am tired...
i am tired...

"be patient" is what i whisper in my heart knowing that i am tired of loving you..
even i am tired.. i still love you.. dont know when this would end.. i dont know what to do.. everything is distracted .. everything is not right .. i just can be calm when i am around you.. beside you, i felt soooo relief .. no worries at all..

you..
i love you..
i miss you..
i care about you..
its hard & hurting me everyday..

hope you know this.. hope you are the same even i know it is impossible for you to do the same... "mungkin ini memang jalan takdir ku.. mengagumi tanpa dicintai".(ungu, cinta dalam hati) ....


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>pathetic me<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Ungu - Cinta Dalam Hati (HIGH QUALITY - Better Audio)

Ungu - Cinta Dalam Hati

mungkin ini memang jalan takdirku
mengagumi tanpa di cintai
tak mengapa bagiku asal kau pun bahagia
dalam hidupmu, dalam hidupmu

telah lama kupendam perasaan itu
menunggu hatimu menyambut diriku
tak mengapa bagiku cintaimu pun adalah
bahagia untukku, bahagia untukku

reff:


ku ingin kau tahu diriku di sini menanti dirimu
meski ku tunggu hingga ujung waktuku
dan berharap rasa ini kan abadi untuk selamanya
dan ijinkan aku memeluk dirimu kali ini saja
tuk ucapkan selamat tinggal untuk selamanya
dan biarkan rasa ini bahagia untuk sekejab saja

repeat reff ..

highlite>>>>>>>>>

******* 2 baris pertama .. mungkin ini memang jalan takdirku ..mengagumi tanpa di cintai... ******** =(

someone ..

My Dear blog .. i am currently in my own room .. Very thankful cuz the internet connection is ok at this moment..

My Dear blog .. its been a while i havent updated my blog .. i just making my life busy on other things .. dont have mood to update ..

I wanna story here about my birthday on 15 of August last 2 weeks .. but i guess .. i wanna story it later .. perhaps on the next entry ..

My dear blog .. a bout that person .. i hope i can story every single detail here .. but .. it is soooo private .. so cant story it here .. it is just that .. my life is less hurt but still hurting everyday.. now .. i am addicted to that person .. even that person dont know how i feel .. i hate addicted to someone .. that is why i dont wanna stay alone in my room.. i rather go to my friends room.. it is just that, when i am alone, i kept thinking of that person .. lastly... i get emotional.... soooo sucks............

my dear blog .. i wish that person know how i really care .. how i really love .. =( ................................................... i just wanna be the most important person in that person's life .. ='( .. but i know .. nothing will happen between us .. it is not working between us .. =( ..

my dear blog .. i hate it because i get very vulnerable when it comes to that person .. =( ............ aarrggghhh........ life is unexpected & i still hoping that we will be happy together .,

Doa yang menyentuh hati aku

kawan aku bagi mesej dalam FB.. dia bagi doa ni ... ='(


Ya Allah….

Seandainya telah engkau catatkan… Dia milikku tercipta buatku… Satukanlah hatinya dengan hatiku… Titipkanlah kebahagian antara kami…. agar kemesraan itu abadi… Dan ya Allah… ya tuhanku yang maha mengasihi… Seiringkanlah kami melayari hidup ini… Ketepian yang sejahtera dan abadi…

Tetapi ya Allah… Seandainya telah engkau takdirkan…. dia bukan miliku… Bawalah ia jauh dari pandanganku…. Luputkanlah ia dari ingatanku… Dan peliharalah aku dari kekecewaan….

Serta ya Allah ya tuhanku yang maha mengerti….

Berikanlah aku kekuatan… Melontar bayangannya jauh ke dada langit… Hilang bersama senja nan merah.. agarku bisa bahagia… Walaupun tanpa bersama dengannya…

Dan ya Allah yang tercinta… Gantillah yang telah hilang…. Tumbuhkanlah kembali yang telah patah… Walaupun tidak sama dengan dirinya…

Ya Allah ya tuhanku… Pasrahkanlah aku dengan takdirmu… Sesungguhnya apa yang telah engkau takdirkan… Adalah yang terbaik buat ku…. kerana engkau maha mengetahui… Segala yang terbaik buat hamba Mu ini…

Ya Allah… Cukuplah engkau sahaja yang menjadi pemeliharaku… Di dunia dan di akhirat… Dengarlah rintihan dari hamba Mu yang daif ini… Jangan engkau biarkan aku sendirian… Di dunia ini mahupun di akhirat… Menjuruskan aku kearah kemaksiatan dan kemungkaran… Maka kurniakanlah aku seorang pasangan yang beriman… Supaya aku dan dia sama2 dapat membina Kesejahteraan hidup… Ke jalan yang Engkau redhai… dan kurniakanlah padaku keturunan yang soleh….

Amin.. Ya Rabbal A’lamin.

happy . sad . happy . sad . hapy . sad

my dear blog .. its been a while .. i am currently at computer lab at my faculty .. last friday night .. impian aku jadi realiti .. nk bermain futsal .. setelah bertahun aku tunggu saat tu .. aher nya.. aku main futsal . betapa bermakna nya pada malam tu .. aku rasa saaaangat thankful .. benda yang aku idam2 selama ni jadi kenyataan.. aku main futsal ... hu hu hu ..

my dear blog .. i am a bit happy for the past few days.. i hope i can story everything here.. but i cant .. hu hu hu .. it is just that .. i am happy !! how i wish i can stop the time and let the happy moment happening until it comes to it end.. then i will start the time back! haha .. but thats impossible ..

my dear blog .. even i am happy .. there are the time where i felt soooooo down .. the reason is? i just disappointed with my own feeling.. i asked myself .. why am i should fall for someone .. the only thing that i wanna focus is that person.. i only thing inside my mind is that person.. sometimes... aku putus semangat buat benda lain just bcuz of that person .. kalau tengok orang tu macam muram .. aku mesti risau .. kalau orang tu tengah buat something yang risky, aku mesti risau .. . aku yang jadi tak tenang .. aku tak mintak pun feeling risau tu datang.. feeling tu yang automatic kluar..

my dear blog .. kadang2 .. kalau orang tu tak da around aku//// aku tiba2 feel down walaupun tengah syok borak2 dengan kawan sebab aku tiba2 ingat kat orang tu .. aku akan terpikir .. apa lah yang orang tu tengah buat.... aku ni pulak, kalau dah down, muka terus berubah.. kawan aku selalu perasan .. aku pun bukan sengaja nk buat muka yang tiba2 muram.. aku rasa kesian kat kawan aku kalau diorang nampak aku muram /// aku pernah terpikir .. kalau la aku boleh jadi orang yang penting dalam hidup orang tu .. kalau time susah, aku lah orang first yang orang tu akan terpikir untuk mintak tolong .. kalau ada benda happy , aku la orang first yang orang tu nak kongsi .. aku nk jadi orang yang penting dalam hidup dia... tapiii....... aku rasa macam tak mungkin .. tak apa la .. tengok orang tu happy & xda masalah pun dah cukup..

****************************enough about that person.. takkan dalam blog pun orang tu je nak penohkan ***** dah la dalam hati pun orang tu **** dalam otak pun orang tu ***** ish ******** enough ********************

my dear blog .. yerterday, we went to swimming .. best!!! kami berswimming kat swimming pool kota samarahan .... masuk seringgit. then, xda limit masa... mandi sampai tempat tu tutup pun boleh... hu hu hu .... best sangat!!!!

last of all... life = unexpected .. impian aku jadi kenyataan untuk main futsal .. dan ... post aku before ni aku kena delete atas sebab +life unexpected++++++ ......

thats all my dear blog ...

vulnerable ...... hurting ..

My dear blog...

Life...... there will always happen something that i don't expect to happen.. actually .. i fall for someone ... not the person that i story to you before this.. this time.. another person... & this thing happen just like what i had experienced before .. i cant tell that person .. & its hurting me .. it is too hurting me everytime i look into that person.. just like the lyric of a song... " di dekat engkau .. aku tenang " ......... when i spend my time with that person .. i feel sooo calm .. i dont worry about anything .. but .. the hardest part is .. when i am apart from that person .. i keep wondering what is that person doing at this moment .. i just miss that person like crazy .. even i am just one metre apart from that person, still i dun feel comfortable .. i just wanna be close to that person in every second of my life .. but .. thats impossible .. how i wish i can remove this feeling just like i remove the dirt on my laptop .. a few weeks before .. i dun have any feeling to anyone .. even my feeling towards the person that a fall in love before also have been faded.. i feel sooo comfortable with everything .. but then, once "falling thing" happen ... my life start to focus on that person even that person dont know about it .. what i did, just to make myself happy .. i really really wish that person to fall for me also .. but .. that is impossible .. anyway .. i just need to be strong to face this feeling everyday until i am resistance to it .. hope it didnt affect my life too much ..

my friends notice that i am a bit emotional .. i wish they know why am i like this ,, but .. i decided not to tell them.. also this time, i want to reduce posting about my feeling in my facebook...............

Ya Allah .. help me in every step that i take .. Guide me in everything that i make .. i am just too vulnerable .. too emotional .. too weak to face this thing ..

last of all ... Life = unexpected .....

**** to anyone who read this entry , plis dont ask me who is that person .. sorry.... i am soo sorry ***

Orientasi yang orang anggap berjaya >> kisah di sebalik nya << dari perspective aku

Wahai blog kesayangan ku .. aku nk luah sikit pasal orientasi kos aku yang aku handle 2 minggu yang lepas... program ni 16 , 17 , 18 julai yang lepas... ini adalah program meng'orientasi' junior 1st year kos kami.... aku dilantik jadi ketua fasilitator .. aku dilantik oleh pengarah projek dan penolong pengarah projek .. Alhamdulillah .. aku lega sikit dengar komen semua orang cakap program ni berjalan lancar.. ada yang cakap program ni best.. ada yang cakap program ni jadi kenangan manis.. lega dengar diorg komen macam tu..... tapi... aku kurang selesa apabila terkenang semula bahagian di mana ada beberapa orang yang agak bengang dengan aku..... aku mungkin terlalu emosional ketika bertugas... aku mungkin nampak terlalu serius sampai aku yang nampak kurang enjoy time tu.. di sebalik semua tu... orang lain tak tahu...... aku pegang jawatan ketua fasilitator.. maksudnya, semua unit aku yang jadi kepala.... mana2 unit yang bermasalah akan secara automatik akan terkena dengan aku.... jadi .. aku jadi lebih serius berbanding orang lain yang hanya pegang satu unit yang tak perlu nak di risau sangat.. aku tak la mengarah sangat sebab = aku paham perasaan = apabila tengok ketua yang pandai nak mengarah tapi tak paham orang yang di pimpin ..

 

Sebenarnya .. aku dengan penolong ketua fasilitator adalah orang yang bekerja keras memerah otak supaya semua benda jadi sempurna, lastly, program ni berjalan lancar... kami memerah otak memikirkan setiap perkara .. kami berbincang tentang perkara sebelum start orientasi sampai habis orientasi .. kami memerah otak tentang detail dari peserta sampai lah ke fasilitator sendiri.. kami pening2 pikir tentang setiap aktiviti yang akan dilakukan.. kami bersama2 membuat secara detail semua perkara .. aku sanggup berjalan dari kolej kediaman aku ke kolej kediaman sebelah tak kira masa , just untuk memastikan semua nya nampak berjalan lancar.. kami bincang tentang perkara yang akan dibincang dalam meeting.... kami bincang semua....... malahan, maybe ada ¼ perkara tentang program ni pengarah projek & penolong nya tak tahu, hanya aku dan penolong ketua fasi yang tahu.. kami bukan rahsiakan, tetapi, benda maybe orang tak nampak tapi kami yang nampak dan benda tu adalah elemen penting untuk program ni... kami lah yang men'detail'kan everything sampai semua nampak organize.. waktu meeting.... aku tak nak inform tentang kesusahan, kesungguhan yang aku buat just untuk menjayakan orientasi ni... aku tak nak ambik simpati orang sampai orang pun kesian kat aku then orang pun suka aku.... aku lebih suka orang suka kat aku just the way i are... i dun need simpati.. i dun need pujian dari orang.. tapi... apa yang terjadi.... aku nampak jahat ketika program ni.. aku just nak pastikan semua berjalan lancar.. sebab kalau benda tak berjalan lancar, aku yang susah... aku yang jadi ketua fasi... aku yang akan kena blame... yang aku kesian, penolong aku nampak sangat di 'over shadow' .. pada hal.... tanpa penolong aku, aku tak dapat nak decide, nk pikir sorang2 bnda2 ni semua.... kalau lah orang2 yang tak puas hati tu boleh tengok bagaimana aku dan penolong aku memerah otak selama seminggu sebelum program ini bermula, mereka mungkan akan paham....

Satu lagi perkara yang buat aku tak selesa, ada beberapa orang yang terfikir tentang perkara yang penting yang perlu dibuat time orientasi ni, tapi, diorang tak inform pun kat aku dengan penolong aku.. kami yang detailkan semua perkara,,, jadi.. kalau ada apa2, kam patut tahu.. ni... terus pergi ke pengarah projek.. memang la pengarah projek yang pegang kuasa paling besar.. masalahnya, benda2 detail tentang tugas, tentang barang, tentang masa, dan semua perkara, aku dan penolong lebih paham... dan kami patut di inform at least... aku sangat tak selesa apabila tiba2 ada benda yang aku tak tahu, tapi.. diorang start buat benda tu...

Aku tak kesah orang tak tahu kesusahan aku... bagi aku.... orang suka .. orang tak suka... tak penting... manusia memang ada macam2.. nampak kita bagus sikit, terus la suka... nampak kita ada masalah sikit, terus lari .. bagi aku.. pengalaman menguruskan sesuatu perkara lebih penting dari perasaan diorg terhadap aku....

Mungkin ada yang tahu keadaan time orientasi ada terbaca post aku kali ni..... dan mungkin ada pembaca akan tak setuju dengan apa yang aku taip kat sini... tapi... ketahui lah.. ini hanyalah luahan aku.. kalau tak suka, maaf banyak2......

 

Time postmortem yang terakhir hari tu pun aku dah mintak maaf kat semua.... jadi .. aku taip dalam blog ni just luahan aku dengan blog kesayangan aku sahaja.......... bukan untuk sakit kan hati sesiapa sahaja......

 

Tu saja untuk kali ni.... last of all..... biar la orang nak pikir apa pun... yang penting... pengalaman .. pandangan orang boleh berubah-ubah.. tapi... pengalaman susah nak dapat ....

 

 

Kawan...

My dear blog.. something happen to me last Tuesday.. something that was so irritating my feeling.. something that really hurt my feeling.. how to start this.. hurmmmmm... ok... it began like this.. on that day, my class start at 8 a.m .. & finished at 9 a.m .. after that, i need to settle my mandarin class problem, & i asked my friends to follow me to see the lecturer as they are also in my mandarin class.. my friends planned to go to kuching on that day to buy a few things.. & also to settle a few things before they went to kucing.. while waiting for the lecturer, kindly i told my friends to go 1st cuz i know they got a few things to settle without me with them.. so.. they left....... now.. i am alone there........... but i dont care being a loner there...... then.. one of my friend asked me to follow him to go to a meeting.. but then..... i am not really needed in that meeting, so that , i went back to my faculty.... i sit there while waiting for my friends...... our next class will only start at 1.00p.m..... suddenly.. my sliper broke .. i phone called my friend.. i borrow a sliper from one of my friend & asking them to bring it to faculty.. so that.. i can go to our next class which were held at BS... not at faculty....... after a few hours i waiting.... it was 1 o'clock already........ with my broken sliper, i go to my next class......... it sooooo embrassing .......... when i enter the class. I saw my friend sit comfortably listening to the lecturer........... there...... I WAS REALLY REALLY HURT ........... & texted one of my friend asking why were they didnt go to faculty & gave me the sliper that i asked before..... & there were miscommunication....... so.... it is not their fault.... it is just miscommunication........ but..... i was very2 down at that moment ... 1st... i was left alone waiting for them at faculty for such a long period of time..... then.... i am the only person who havent ate anything from the morning, but all of my friend already have their lunch.......... suddenly, lecturer told me that there will be mandarin class at 5 p.m & all of my friend already planned to not to attend that class.......... to make things worst, my sliper broke & they didnt come to faculty to help me.......... there! MY DAY WAS RUINED! I dont know...... i was really2 down & i dont wanna blame my friends.... i know they didnt mean to make me sad..... they just 'indirectly' left me ...... that day.... i was down & i need someone.... i need someone to make me happy..... to boost me up again.... & i need someone from one of my seven friend........ neither of them ... but.... how could they know i am down when i didnt show that i am down.... so..... again... that was not their fault................................ i dont know...... i was very very down & there was nobody with me... my heart keep telling me to blame my friends but i deny it cuz i love my friend & i know they didnt mean it...... on that afternoon... after the class finished at 3.p.m.... i quickly walked to faculty cuz i dont wanna show my friend how much i was hurt & i dont want them to know that i am down...... i ran into toilet and sit alone in toilet... just to escape from everything..... i cant handle anything anymore on that day...... my day was just too much for me.... too much...... at the same time............... my heart keep telling me to blame friends but still... i deny it.... i kept denying until i am very2 down & suddenly my tears burst out..........!!! oh no!!!!! I am not that easy!!!! i hold my tears!! I hold my heart just to stop my tears from keep flowing through my cheek..! before that.... i already promise with my mentee friends to take our result slip together......... i walk slowly out from the toilet & wait for them...... they walk to me with a very big smile & i force myself to smile............................. the only person who notice my eyes were swollen & get reddish ... & also i cant breath easly bcos of the mucus in my nose were ***a & *a* *a..............***a i guess he didnt know anything.. but *a* *a know what happen to me on that day from the start................... ***a asked me what happen..... i just joking at him, "jangan bah kau bising" ..... just to cover everything....... after taking slip.... they went out to kuching & i left alone at unimas..... i went to my room to change my sliper with shoes... then.... i walked to mandarin class.......... the class that i suppose to attend together with my friends but i come to the class alone............ never mind... i dont care actually......... & i guess.... that is all wanna type here.................................................................. now.... i still deny my heart to blame my friend cuz i know who they are... they are friends who can be my friends in hard time & happy time............. dont jugde my friends just from this blog...

testing.. testing..

testing from my new henpon.. testing.. testing.. huhuhu

liaison officer

My dear blog..

Its been three weeks i started my life at unimas for this new semester..... 1st week was attending kursus induksi liaison oficer (L.O).. second week was becoming liaison officer for minggu aluan pelajar (M.A.P).. third week (this week) .. i am arranging a lots of things for preparation for orientation for biotech 1st year.. i was very2 busy ....

 

It is just that..... becoming a liaison officer (L.O) for minggu aluan pelajar (M.A.P) had opened up my mind.. it changed me.. i am not a new person.. but.. it improved me.. aku jadi semakin matang dalam semua perkara.. terutama sekali dalam pengurusan mana2 aktiviti, aku jadi semakin faham tentang tatacara yang betul .. aku semakin memahami bagaimana bekerja dengan penuh semangat & bersungguh-sungguh.. aku rasa.. menjadi liaison officer telah manganjak paradigma aku.. aku menjadi semakin rasional dalam setiap tindakan.. terlalu banyak yang aku belajar dari menjadi liaison officer.. tak tau la macam mana nak cakap kat sini.... aku sendiri pun tak tau macam mana nak explain dalam hati sendiri... i am very thankful.... pengalaman menjadi liaison officer adalah satu pengalaman yang amat bermakna..terlalu bermakna bcos, within just 2 weeks, tugas ni mengajar aku seribu satu pengalaman.......

 

Aku jadi unit F&B ... unit food & baverages .. best................. dapat handle makanan .. minuman .. walaupun unit kami adalah antara unit yang akan busy dari start hari pendaftaran sampai habis minggu M.A.P, tapi aku ok je... sebab tujuan aku mintak jadi liaison officer pun sebab aku nak berbakti ngan unimas... so walaupun dapat kerja yang agak berat.... ye la... kami unit F&B perlu serve makanan 6 kali sehari....... kerja dari hari sabtu sampai jumaat... bangun awal sebab tunggu makanan sampai kol 5.30 pagi sebab budak2 makan sarapan 6.30 pagi..... then, budak2 bukannya 10 - 20 orang .... 400 orang... ini lah kerja2 F&B yang beberapa orang anggap kami dudok2 tepi makanan sambil tunggu orang ambik je.. dalam 6 kali sehari tu, mostly kami macam tak sempat nak rehat... belum habis settle kan makanan b4 that, yang baru pulak akan sampai........ ini lah kerja2 F&B yang kami buat...... bagi aku.... best! x payah nak dudok goyang kaki tercari2 kerja yang patut dibuat....... ada sesetengah orang cakap .. jadi unit F&B tak famous... untuk apa famous? i admit.... time aku kerja2 dalam unit F&B.. memang dapat feeling yang tak famous..... tapi.. aku tak kesah..... sebab, yang penting, aku dapat berbakti kat unimas............ tolong handle makanan L.O & budak2 selama seminggu..... tu lagi best............ walau pun sebenarnya dalam unit kami ada beberapa konflik...sekarang aku dah lupakan.......... biarla konflik tu berakhir time tu je....

time pendaftaran student .. kami unit f&B tolong sambut pelajar2 baru... best... kami sambut budak2 tu datang .. kami bawak ke tampat menunggu untuk mendaftar... then, kami tunjukkan bilik untuk diorang... best nya pengalaman tu... sebab aku tau... aku 1st time sampai dulu pun a bit lost... jadi.. aku tolong budak2 yang baru sampai.... borak2 dengan diorang... borak2 dengan famili diorang .. best dapat tolong orang... kalo budak2 tu tak cukup tangan, baru kami tolong angkat beg... sebab kami bukan tukang angkat barang... hahahaaa.... ada sekali hari ahad tu, ada sepasang parents mendatangi kitorang (sepasang??? ntah la) .. lelaki tu tiba cakap... tadi tu siapa ..? ( sebenarnya,,, TNC unimas datang melawat kolej kediaman kitorang sebelum tu ).... kami jawab la... TNC unimas...... timbalan naib chanselor.... lelaki tu pun cakap lagi.... oo.. kira macam orang paling top d unimas la.... then, kami pun mengangguk.... tiba2 dia cakap... tadi sy komplain pasal korang.... kami pun terkejut beruk... HAHHH!!?? .. lelaki tu ulang balik.. tadi saya komplain pasal korang.... kami pun tertanya2.... then.. dia cakap... saya komplain kat dia, saya cakap korang buat kerja dengan bagus sekali..... kami pun lega.......... lelaki tu pun sambung... benda2 yang baik macam ni, tnc korang patut tahu..... kami pun tersenyum lebar........ betapa keikhlasan kami bekerja untuk menolong budak2 baru yang masuk unimas mendapat pujian......... ^^

time jadi L.O.... aku dapat kenal banyak orang baru yang selama ni hidup di unimas tapi tak pernah cakap & tak pernah kenal.......... dan.... time jadi L.O ni la aku dpt membaca perangai beberapa orang walaupun aku tak kenal mereka sebelom ni..... (chehhh!! macam bomoh pulak!) ..... anyway...... banyak sangat yang aku belajar dar menjadi L.O ni.........

habis je minggu M.A.P .... aku terus busy handle untuk orientasi junior kos aku pulak... ni orientasi khas untuk kos kami je...... orientasi tu start jumaat ni... jadi..... everything nak kena settle hari khamis....... aku dilantik oleh pengarah projek sebagai ketua fasilitator...... aku kena ator semua ... tugas2.... aktiviti....... tapi... aku langsung tak kisah diberi tanggung jawap tu semua.... sebab, pengalaman M.A.P masih segar dalam otak aku..... aku apply semua... walau pun aku terpaksa bergegas sana sini.... pikir hal itu... pikir hal ini... tapi... aku dah terbiasa sebok time M.A.P... so..... aku tak kesah pun uruskan benda.. ni... walaupun sebok uruskan orientasi untuk junior yang kami sayangi... (wuuuw..... jiwang ! ahahhahaaha) .... kami sekawan sempat enjoy kat luar.... ahahaha...... kawan2 aku yang sama unit F&B dulu pun sempat ajak aku keluar tengok wayang.............. haha! best..... banyak benda yang terjadi minggu ni... dalam minggu ni jugak aku dilantik jadi bendahari untuk persatuan fakulti.. persatuan sains dan teknologi (persaintek).. aku maybe dapat kreta next week... semalam dah tengok kreta tu.... nampak ok.... harap2 aku dapat blajar dengan lebih rajin time dah ada kreta nanti,,,, kreta tu ... bukan untuk enjoy... untuk memudahkan pergerakan aku study kat unimas....

aku nak crita detail lagi pasal minggu M.A.P aku.... tapi............. malas nak taip......

last but not least............... i am gonna miss my L.O friends............. nice to meet all of you guys... nice to work with all of you guys.......

mommy & daddy ..

my dear blog..

i am currently at kuching.. i arrived at 3.35 pm just now.. before i went to airport.. i pack a few of my things... my parents also busy.. they prepare things i need to bring to kuching to give to my aunty.. beside that... my mom kept asking about my things.. she afraid that my things would be left at home.. watching at my parents.. they are soooo busy helping me packing my things.. not mine actually... things that what we called souvenir.. looking at them suddenly touched my heart.. i get emotionally.. hi hi hi..tiba2 kan.. how they are really care about me.. how they want me to success in my study.. success in my life.. they support me.. very touching.. emmmmm....... i wish i can pay back all of their hard works rite at this moment.. i wish i can take all of their burden and make those burden disappear.. i wish i can make them happy everyday.. no worries at all.. from the moment they wake up in the morning, until they go to sleep, i wish i can give them comfort .. nothing to make them sad or mad .. anyway.. i love both of you & i want to pay back all your hard works.. harap2 aku sempat.. T.T ...

14 days to develop a habit

My dear blog,

actually. the title is only for one of my story.. i got a few story for tonite.. Tomorrow , i will go to Kuching.. i guess... my 2nd semester holiday will be ended very very soon.. next saturday... I will check in at unimas residential college.. emm.. just as usual... i just dont really like my holiday to be ended.. i cant be lazy 24/7 anymore.. my teacher once said to me.. behavior of human can be developed within 14 days.. for example.. sleeping time.. if we get use to sleep at 1200 am for 14 days.. after that, our body will automatically want to sleep at 1200 am... HENCE.. i use to sleep at 3 am.. 2 am during this holiday... as a result.. i will have problem to sleep early when i am in unimas.. adehh!! what can i do....

after this.. no more tv... lots of great tv series i will miss after this.... emmm... never mind.. i dont get any payment for those tv series anyway.. hi hi hi.. apart from that... i am excited to go back to kuching.. to live a chaotic life... life that full of laughter, sad, tiring etc/////

my dear blog,

just now... i text my ex.. i just curious to know she is accepted at what university.. she said USM... well .. that's cool.. USM is one of the great university in Malaysia... then.. i was shocked.. she thanks me.. she said.. thank you for still reminding her.. seriously i was shocked... actually i never forget her.. but.. not in the way of love anymore.. i know i am over her already.. (i guess).. i admit, i still have feeling towards her.. but... i guess it is only for 5% more.... not much.... u tell me.. couple for 3 years plus.. who can over that.. me? yup!! ehehee.... i asked her.. she said... she was afraid that i was mad at her.. then i asked her again.. "mad?"... she said.... never mind... dont talk about that thing anymore.. she changed the topic... she asked me, u got FB rite? ... she said also have FB account... then i searched for it... ahahaha... jadik stalker kejap.. then... i wonder... did she found my FB page? i asked her... she said she dont know my FB.... i bit relief there! hi hi hi.. lastly i add her.. actually... during we text, the feeling suddenly pop out.. even a bit, but i can feel it.. the feeling where the person who i was loved before.. i repeat the word.. WAS.. it is not the same when we text with other person... emmmm.... i dont know... i am over her.. i am .. YES I AM... kalau ada jodoh... nanti jumpa... kawin la... hi hi hi.. kalau tak..... tak la.. kawin dengan orang lain.. hahaaa... ops! suddenly.. i am getting emotionally cuz of this thing.... ok.. enough... enough...

my dear blog..

there is a page in FB that is really understand me.... konon.. click here.. ... "I don't think of you as a crush anymore, more like a bad habit I can't get rid of." well.. this is my problem for this few weeks.. a few month back.. i was DEEPLY in love with my crush.. i used to think about that person a lot... but now... it became one of my habit.... just like my teacher once said... it takes 14 days to develop habit.. now.... that person is my bad habit... Oh My God.......... i dont know... bad habit.... bad habit.. bad habit.. no more crush.... but.... i am thnkfull... no more crush... no more emotional life.. ahaha.... i felt soo relief.. i realise.. this holiday makes me forget of that person.. & it is great! my life is coming to normal back! yeay!!!!

my dear blog.... there's a lot more thing i wanna type here... but i gotta go now.. it's late already.. i havent pack my stuff... but... there will be a matched for fifa at 2 am... hu hu hu.. while waiting... i can pack my stuff...

~my chaotic life >> will start soon~~ i need to do my best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 yeahhh!!! (semangat gilerszzz)

just as usual. (english tunggang langgang)

home sweet home

My dear blog..

today is thursday.. i still spending my nite at my home.. but, next thursday, i will not sitting on this couch anymore.. i will be at kuching.. i just have 7 more days to spend my holiday at my home.. but.. i have to minus 3 days.. i will go to Miri tomorrow & will be back on sunday..

a place called home.. home? .. maybe most of people will know what is a place called home.. ~home~ a place where we feel "home".. the feeling where we EXTREMELY get used to every single part of that house.. the feeling where we are 24/7 .. 365.. accepted.. invited in.. sometimes.. others' home 'looks' great.. but, still.. it 'feels' great at our home.. home sweet home... a popular phrase.. & it's true..

my home... a place where i missing at when i back at unimas...
the place where i grow up..
the place where i can hear the laughter of my parents.. my brothers.. my sisters..
the place where sometimes i can see the rivalry among family..
the place where i learned to talk, crawl, walk...
the place that witness some part of my life..
my home... a place like no other..

Football Player Dream

My dear blog....
(lama dah nk buat mcm ni, baru feeling sikit nak luahan rasa macam dalam diary.. hehe)

Impian..
Semakin lama hidup di dunia ni.. Semakin bertambah maju dunia ni.. Impian jadi sesuatu yang orang galakkan untuk kejar... Impian dikatakan bukan satu yang salah.. Dalam movies.. tv series.. semakin banyak yang berkisar tentang impian yang manusia kejar.. Seperti manusia lain.. aku jugak ada impian.. Aku ada banyak impian.. kebanyakan impian aku macam dah nak jadi angan2 je.. satu impian yang semakin lama semakin mustahil adalah nak jadi Football player.. rasanya.. aku start bermimpi nak jadi pemain bola sepak dari kecik lagi.. tak ingat pulak umor brapa.. Zaman-zaman tadika & zaman sekolah rendah.. aku ada main bola sepak.. main atas jalan yang belum berturap.. aku la yang sediakan bola.. tiang gol kami letak 2 slipar .. sejak aku tengok bola sepak jadi semakin serius.. that is di sekolah rendah.. aku tengok senior2 main kat padang sekolah.. aku jadi "jauh" dari bola sepak.. sebab.. kalau masuk padang je, nak main, jadi kekok pulak.. sebab tak kenal sangat orang yang main.. then.. senior yang main tu pulak mostly yang samseng2.. tak masuk kepala sangat.. semakin lama semakin jauh aku dari bola sepak.. tambahan pulak.. aku macam tak ada bakat je dalam sukan.. PATHETIC TO BE ME.. walau pun kat sekolah aku tak main.. aku main jugak dengan jiran2,.. mcm slalu.. main sikit2 je.. time PJ pun aku main.. lepas UPSR.. cuti hujung tahun untuk masuk tingkatan 1 saangat panjang.. aku jarang mengacau kawan2 aku.. yang aku buat, makan.. tido.. makan.. tido.. aku memang kaki TV dari kecik.. aku boleh hidup berbulan-bulan dengan TV..(konon).. sejak dari situ.. aku macam dah stop dengan bola sepak..

Masuk pulak tingkatan 1 (skolah asarama penuh).. kalau time PJK.. kalau aku tak silap.. cikgu suruh budak lelaki main bila sepak.. aku macam.. can i do this??????????? aku pun main je la.. ternyata aku dah KEKOK main.. REAL SUCKS!! MEMALUKAN!! ye la.. lelaki suppose to play soccer... aku mcm dah tak berani nak main bola sepak start dari hari tu.. MEMALUKAN.. tapi.. sebab dah semakin rapat dengan kawan sekelas.. start dari tingkatan 2.. atau 3..(tak ingat).. aku dah kurang kekok main bola sepak.. tapi.. HANYA bermain dengan kawan sekelas.. kalau ada orang lain.. start la aku kekok.. time PJK la time aku main boal sepak dengan enjoy.. tapi.. bukan tiap kali PJK pun main bola sepak.. PJK pulak sekali seminggu.. so.. aku jaarang sangat main.. kalau petang2.. aku malu nk main.. ntah.. mostly orng yang main petang2 tu tak sama kepala sangat.. diorang is real expert.. aku??? saaangat la tak pandai.. pandai sikit2.. sebab jarang sangat main.. *********kenapa la hidup aku saangat mustahil untuk sebati dengan bermain bola sepak*************** ... sebab2 aku tak main bola sepak sangat adalah KEKOK.. MALU.. the worst part is.. tak pandai sangat macam orang lain, cuz jarang main.. kalau sekolah menengah dulu.. kalau aku tengok wakil sekolah berlatih.. aku mesti MAKAN HATI.. kalau tengok orang2 main bola sepak petang2... mesti MAKAN HATI BERULAM JANTUNG BERKUAHKAN DARAH B+ .. aku sedih tengok diri aku yang tak sehebat diorang.. tapi.. aku slalu pujuk diri aku.. "at least aku pandai main sikit drpd kaki bangku terus......" sooo pathetic.. cuti lepas SPM pun agak panjang.. lagi la .. tak main bola sepak langusung... T.T .... adoohhhhh...

masuk matriks.. aku langsung tak main.. sebab KOMPEM KEKOK!! aaarrgghh.. y am i like this... then.. aku pun tengok wakil matrix blatih kat padang.. i wish i was them.. hurmmmmm.. **sigh***... aku pun slalu tengok orang yang main petang2... again.. **i wish i was them.. (sigh)..** aku pn start pujuk hati aku macam2..... (sigh).....

how i wish i am a football player.............

aku download la video ni... Lampard crita pasal kisah bola sepak dia.. bestnya!!! aku tertengok video ni kat tv... then aku download.. now.. i upload it balik.. bestnyaaa... dia cakap..

when i was a kid i loved the fact
that my dad was a football player..
He used to train me in the garden at home..
It's very difficult to become a player at the top level..
He taught me I had to work very hard to get there..
He taught to come back fighting..
What ever life throws in my way..
So the minute you walk out..
and you realise you're representing your country..
it's the most special feeling you can have.

***sob**sob**sob** untung nya dia........... i wish i can go to the past for a few days to tell myself to play soccer no matter what happen....... but... maybe this is TAKDIR.. it is meant to be.. never mind.. i just need to thankful for what ever i had rite now.. cuz we dont know when our death is..



awal aku di unimas,,,,, ni gambar aku jadi urusetia pertandingan futsal... aku jadi urusetia sebab aku HAMPIR jadi jawatankuasa perwakilan kolej (JPK).. last last aku tolak jawatan tu atas sebab2 yang aku macam tak nak taip kat sini takut menghina beberapa pihak.. & aku pun ok je kalau tak dapat jd JPK... (terkeluar topik)!!


last but not least... sekarang ni musim FIFA.. aku tengah tunggu england main pukul 2.30 nanti.... banyak star main dalam england tu... hu hu hu..

anyway... to myself..... about this "soccer thing" .. i dont know what will happen to you.. cuz... i still lack of skill... lack of strength.. lack of almost everything that you need to play soccer.... anyway... stop complaining on this thing... u got so many other things to worry about.. ok??!!! Love ur self... XOXO..!!!! (xoxo pulak.. adeehhh)/...