Bahkan, kehidupan aku sendiri pun belum tentu sempurna, inikan pula untuk membawa sebuah kehidupan yang lain ke dunia ini ..

My dear blog.. I was touched by a drama that i've watched just now..

But before that.. I just wanna put this picture ..

Scene tu macam ni.. Perempuan tu tpaksa buat pembedahan dan rahim perempuan itu akan rosak & dibuang.. Jadi, dia terlalu sedih sebab dia tak dapat nak bagi anak untuk suami dia.. Time dia balik ke rumah.. dia meminta nasihat dari seorang perempuan yang pernah kehilangan anak..

Perempuan tu pun menasihat macam ni :

Anak adalah anugerah dari Allah kepada kita.. Anugerah yang tidak diberikan kepada kita oleh Allah kerana Allah sedang merencanakan sesuatu yang lebih baik untuk kita.. Melahirkan seorang anak adalah membawa sebuah kehidupan ke dunia ini.. Kita terlalu sibuk untuk membawa sebuah kehidupan ke dunia ini, padahal semua itu urusan Allah.. Sedangkan urusan sebenar kita di dunia ini adalah mempersiapkan diri kita untuk kematian .. Apakah kita sudah cukup segala keperluan untuk menghadapi sebuah kematian .. Bahkan, kehidupan aku sendiri pun belum tentu sempurna, inikan pula untuk membawa sebuah kehidupan yang lain ke dunia ini ..

~ aku pun terkesan dengan kata-kata perempuan itu ~ Allah tidak memperkenankan kehendak kita kerana Allah ada rancangan yang terbaik untuk kita .. Aku sebok mengharapkan seorang insan, aku sibok terluka kerana jatuh hati dengan seorang hamba Allah, padahal .. Hubungan aku dengan Allah aku masih tidak berusaha memperbaiki .. Aku sibok mengharapkan sesuatu dari hamba Allah, pada hal.. Kasih sayang Allah adalah sesuatu yang lebih abadi & lebih membahagia kan .. Pada hal, kehidupan selepas kematian lebih utama, lebih kekal , bukan kehidupan di dunia ini.. ~

Wahai encik blog .. ingin sekali aku berpesan dengan diri aku ..

Tidak usah terlalu mendambakan kasih sayang manusia .. 

Tidak usah mengharapakan hubungan indah dengan seorang hamba Allah.. 

Andai sesuatu perkara itu sudah ditakdirkan oleh Allah, maka semuanya tetap akan berlaku.. 

Andai Allah tidak memperkenankan keinginan aku,

maka Allah mempunyai rancangan yang DIA sudah tuliskan untuk aku.. 

Allah tahu apa yang lebih baik untuk aku.. Allah sengaja memberikan dugaan dan kesakitan dengan terlalu menyayangi seseorang hamba Allah kepada ku kerana, dengan cara ini , aku akan lebih dekat dengan Allah .. Allah amat sayangkan semua hambanya, Allah tahu apa yang lebih baik untuk ku.. 

Terima Kasih Ya Allah..

"Ko bukan Superman, mo tolong semua orang, sampai diri ko sendiri susah"

My dear blog..  it is already 6 August .. Means that, 6 Ramadhan .. Mean also .. 9 days for me to be 21 .. Oh NO... 21 .. Am I that Old ..? I dont wanna get old ........

My dear blog .. its 1:21 am .. I can't sleep .. maybe I am getting use to sleep late .. Oh No.. I need to sleep early. Its Ramadhan.. I have to wake up for sahur .. But Its ok..

oh my dear lovely blog .. I just remember one of my memories in Unimas where I was fighting with my friend .. It was in MARCH i guess .. ( me and he is like, we quarrel a bit frequent, but not that too frequent, but we r very straight to the point with each other) .. At that night, I had some kind of friend-quarrel with my friend .. He told me "Ko bukan Superman, mo tolong semua orang, sampai diri ko sendiri susah...!" .. the reason he told me that..? emm .. I better not to tell here .. Oh My Dear Friend, I know, & I guess, U r the only person who can c how my life everyday, until u said that to me .. But, for me .. I have to help anyone .. anytime .. people not asking for help for nothing .. they need help .. & .. I will be happy if can help anyone who need my help .. U see me making trouble of myself because of helping others? its ok then, rather than I live my life comfortably while other people need my help .. In fact, i dont feel any trouble .. I might seems like in a hard time, but, helping people is what makes me happy .. I know he might not read this, but, I dont care .. I just wanna wrote in this .. & thank you .. for saying that .. I treasure ur word even u might forgot it..

My dear blog .. My previous post was telling how hard for me to be in love with someone .. I mean to be STILL in love with someone .. OK..! That was a few months back .. NOW...! I am still hurting .. but, less.. Because .. U know .. Just like Malay proverbs had said >>> alah bisa tegal biasa <<< .. & that's what happen to me .. Now, I am OK .. Even that thing still hurt me, but .. I AM STRONGER now i hope.. I try not to think about that person too much .. I try not to care too much ..

My Dear Blog .. U know what .. If I look back .. remembering how hurt my life during the WHOLE 2ND YEAR..., I feel pity to myself .. How I struggle everyday with my feeling .. BUT ... I thankful for that .. All that pain, made me mature.. Made me beware when I am falling for anyone .. I am thankful .. I had loved at the fullest.. so .. What to regret? Its not wrong to love a person until we half alive .. The feeling of love, is something that we dont expect to appear.. There is goodness behind this painful love .. I believe, Allah have his own plan for me, Allah give me the feeling, Allah the place I hold onto when I am broken into pieces .. And Allah know whats the best for me .. I believe, even this painful thing happen to me, Allah have a better plan for me .. That is why HE put me in all these .. ALHAMDULILLAH..........

My dear blog .. Now .. I still hurt .. U KNOW WHY I AM STILL HURTING..? .. because its hurt knowing that we fall for someone wrong .. When I watch a drama, I will get the feeling of the character which fall for a wrong person .. EVEN I said I am still hurting .. I am not like MYSELF BEFORE .. now .. I can manage my thought a bit well ... I can whisper to myself, telling that, "its ok, Allah love u, thats y Allah gave u pain like this, HE want U to remember Allah always, to hold on to Allah always, Allah knows the best for you, that is y He let u fall for that person.." ....... This whisper, made me stronger .. !! ALHAMDULILLAH ..

My dear blog.. it very late . I have to sleep .. later on I'll wrote again .. I hope.. there r so many things to  wrote in here ...................

~~~~~~~ thats all .. again .. my post is about >>>> hurt <<< ~~~~ what a post ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a post that was written in February 2011.......... kept in draft.. finally posted

Dear blog..
Its been a long time i have not updated my blog .. i have been busy .. forcing myself to be busy.. keeping my life busy.. or sometimes, i dont have mood to update my blog ..

Dear blog.. this new semester, i bought spoiler for my lovely car & i bought a guitar .. actually, my friend did take the picture while i was buying those things, . well, i admit, those 2 things seriously causing my financial unstable ... but for me, those 2 things is quite important for me..

 Dear blog..
the first task that i did when i enter unimas for this new semester was, i became a Liaison Officer for Minggu Aluan Pelajar December Intake.. it was a great experienced ..

L.O + MPP + Students new intake ... all the L.O's are very close together.. especially L.O kolej cempaka... miss u guys..

Then ..

lots of things happen to me.. also , we did go to pasir pandak beach ..... in hope we could see the sunset.. but then ... the day was cloudy .. haha.... first.. we go there.. eat kfc .. ( we bekal KFC)... haha... then... we bergambar-gambar.... until maghrib... we solat at the nearest surau.. then.. we go to airport and have our dinner there.. i eat spaghetti.. so delicious.... LOL...

We didnt manage to capture a nice sunset... bit its ok.. the picture i am holding my phone is.. i am 3g call my nephew .. showing them the beach..

on the new year eve ..

i was fetching my friend at the airport, on the way back, we watch the fireworks on the night sky .. even it was rainy ..the fireworks looks soooooo beautiful ....

i know the smile is quite fake... i miss someone sooo much at that time...

wahai encik blog .. hari kami pegi pasang spoiler kat kreta aku, kami kena tahan polis sbab tinted aku gelap (konon!!!) ..  sebenarnya .. polis tu yg bodo! hari mendung, mesti la nmpak gelap! lepas tu, aku mintak alat untuk check tahap tinted, tp, polis yang bodo tu cakap tunggu JPJ, sbab only JPJ yg boleh check, aku cakap la , ok, aku tunggu JPJ sekarang, tp, polis yang BODO tu cakap , kalau JPJ datang esok, kreta aku kena tahan sampai esok.... betapa BODO nya polis tu, nk tahan, tapi, x cukup alat & ahli.... BODOH tahap dewa! patut la setakat jadi polis yang tahan tepi jalan .. pangkat tak naik2 !! kalau aku nak tunggu JPJ, apa aku nak pakai balik unimas?? then, polis tu pun cakap, kalau aku bukak tinted tu sekarang jugak, aku boleh lepas, .. dengan perasaan yang menyampah tahap gila babi, aku bukak tinted kat cermin belakang kereta aku ..

Dear blog..
just like what i had wrote here before, i hope, things would be happier for me, the miserable things would end, but NO!!!!!!!! it did not end yet !!!!  for the last few month in this new semester, i've been struggling to face this irritating thing .. everyday, i wish this can easily resolved, easily disappear, & i can move on with my life happily ................................................

Dear blog ..
there are few times, i wish i lost my memories .. but, i wish i lost only 'that' part .. mayB things will be easier when i lost my memories .. i dont know .. it seems like, almost the whole 2nd year of my study at unimas is striving to face the hurtful thing .... i wish this could be ended .. i wish .. i really wish ..

Dear blog ..

i always afraid to face every single minute of my life .. because, when there are moment where i am happy, the moment after that, there will be something that will hurt my feeling , but , i dont have option rather than face it ..

my dear blog ..
i've been joking .. & smiling  around with my friends like crazy .. just to hide my feelings .. but there are the time where i cant fake my smile anymore.. at that time, i feel so guilty to my friends .. i wish i can laugh, smile & joking around but .. no .. i cant fake it anymore .. i am just so sorry .. sometimes, i am the most talkative person , all that is just because i wanna hide it ..

my dear blog ..
until when i am hurting like this? until when i will hurt? i am not me anymore .. my friend have said to me .. "bila lagi ko mo ada girlfriend, sein?" .. "kalau ko ada girlfriend, ada la tempat ko bermanja, tempat ko kongsi masalah, ada orang care dengan ko" ............................................................................

oh my dear friends ........ how i can have a girlfriend if my heart is completely closed for anyone , completely sealed until there the time i hate love so much.... how come i can share my problems with my girlfriend if my problem is about someone that i love????? how come i can tell all the pathetic things to that girl : that all the sad story is about my hurtful love towards someone else??????????

~ 1st wrote in february... kept in draft for about 4 month .... finally i had a chance to edit & add picture to this post.... this is what happen to me around February 2011 since December 2010.... ~~ i post this on 0101am 27 July 2011~~

New Song for my Blog....... embrace the lyrics///// LOL

[Bruno Mars - Chorus]

This one's for you and me
Living out our dreams
We're all right where we should be
Lift my arms out wide
I open my eyes
And now all I wannna see
Is a sky full of lightets, a sky full of lighters

[Eminem]

By the time you hear this I will have already spiralled up
I would never do nothing to let you cowards fuck my world up
If I was you, I would duck, or get struck like lightening,
Fighters keep fighting, put your lighters up, point em’ skyward uh
Had a dream I was king, I woke up, still king
This rap game’s nipple is mine for the milking,
Till nobody else even fucking feels me, till’ it kills me
I swear to god I’ll be the fucking illest in this music
There is or there ever will be, disagree?
Feel free, but from now on I’m refusing to ever give up
The only thing I ever gave’s using no more excuses
Excuse me if my head is too big for this building
And pardon me if I’m a cocky prick but you cocks are slick
Poppin shit on how you flipped ya life around, crock-o-shit
Who you dicks try to kid, flipped dick, you did the opposite
You stayed the same, cause cock backwards is still cock you pricks
I love it when I tell em shove it
Cause it wasn’t that long ago when Marshall sat, luster lacked, lustered
Cuz he couldn’t cut mustard, muster up nothing
Brain fuzzy, cause he’s buzzin’, woke up from that buzz
Now you wonder why he does it, how he does it
Wasn’t cause he had buzzards circle around his head
Waiting for him to drop dead, was it?
Or was it, cause them bitches wrote him off
Little hussy ass, cause f-ck it, guess it doesn’t matter now, does it
What difference it make?
What it take to get it through your thick skulls
As if this aint some bullshit
People don’t usually come back this way
From a place that was dark as I was in
Just to get to this place
Now let these words be like a switch blade to a haters rib cage
And let it be known from this day forward
I wanna just say thanks cause your hate is what gave me the strength
So let em bic’s raise cause I came with 5’9′ but I feel like I’m 6’8″

[Bruno Mars - Chorus]

This one's for you and me
Living out our dreams
We're all right where we should be
Lift my arms out wide
I open my eyes
And now all I wannna see


Is a sky full of lightets, a sky full of lighters

[Royce Da 5'9]

By the time you hear this I’ll probably already be outtie
I advance like going from toting iron to going and buying 4 or 5 of the homies the iron man Audi
My daddy told me slow down, boy, you goin to blow it
And I aint gotta stop the beat a minute
To tell Shady I love him the same way that he did Dr Dre on the Chronic
Tell him how real he is or how high I am
Or how I would kill for him for him to know it
I cried plenty tears, my daddy got a bad back
So it’s only right that I right till he can march right into that post office and tell em to hang it up
Now his career’s Lebron’s jersey in 20 years
I’ll stop when I’m at the very top
You shitted on me on your way up
It’s ’bout to be a scary drop
Cause what goes up must come down
You going down on something you don’t wanna see like a hairy box
Every hour, happy hour now
Life is wacky now
Used to have to eat the cat to get the pussy
Now I’m just the cats meooww, ow
Classic cow, always down for the catch weight like Pacquiao
Ya’ll are doomed
I remember when T-Pain aint wanna work with me
My car starts itself, parks itself and autotunes
Cause now I’m in the Aston
I went from having my city locked up
To getting treated like Kwame Kilpatrick
And now I’m fantastic
Compared to a weed high
And y’all niggas just gossipin’ like bitches on a radio and TV
See me, we fly
Y’all buggin out like Wendy Williams staring at a bee-hive
And how real is that
I remember signing my first deal and now I’m the second best I can deal with that
Now Bruno can show his ass, without the MTV awards gag


[Bruno Mars - Bridge]


You and I know what it's like to be kicked down
Forced to fight
But tonight we’re alright
So hold up your light
Let it shine

[Bruno Mars - Chorus]

Cuz this one's for you and me
Living out our dreams
We're all right where we should be
Lift my arms out wide
I open my eyes
And now all I wannna see
Is a sky full of lightets, a sky full of lighters

Dedicated to everyone... move on with our life everyday & make the sky full of lighters!!

he .. cried ..

my dear blog, i wanna keep my favorite part in vampire diaries in inside my blog .. where Damon confess to Elena & telling why she can't know about his confession ..! oh my guard! i understand how this feeling !! seriously i understand .... and here are the scenes :

Damn says :

i love u, Elena ..

& it's bcos i love u ..

i can't be selfish with u ..

y can't u know this ..

i don't deserve u ..

but my brother does ..

seriously ! this is hurt enough for Damon knowing that he is falling for someone that can't be with him.. Talking about the SELFISH word that Damon said, Damon is always selfish .. he killed anyone he wanted .. he have sex with any girl that he wanted .. but, when it comes to someone that he love, he can't be selfish anymore .. love does change him .. when it comes to Elena, he changed .. deep inside his heart, he really wish that Elena would love him just the way he love Elena, how he really wish he can have Elena as his girlfriend .. but, when it comes to the thing that he seriously love, he didn't force her .. he just accept the fact that Elena is not loving him .. Elena just care about him .. soooooooo hurtful !! ....... but .. this is life ! this is love ! what more can i say about it ! .. then .. he kissed Elena's forehead .. sweet !!

aarrhhh !  poor Damon .. i can feel it ..... then .. he compel ( some kind of vampire's ability to persuade people to do what ever they wanted ..) /// he compel Elena to forgot everything that happen that night ..  he just wish that Elena dont have to forget about it .. but, Elena should never know this ! (just like my situation also!! ) ......... so hard .. so hurtful ..

then .. he compelled her .. with a very heavy-hearted ..!!

this is the best part ! tears run down his face !!! (well .. i have to save the best for the last) woooowww!!!! really2 deep hurt there !!!!!  well .. this is just a drama .. real life will always be a real life ..

afraid ..

i made myself busy editing this pic for a few hours .. LMAO!

my dear blog .. a few of my latest entry wasn't about my sadness, or my 'emo' story about my love story .. i am quite relief knowing that i didn't post 'emo' entry .. anyway .. now i am going to post an emo entry .. 

my dear blog, at the beginning of my holiday, it was hard .. well, missing someone sooo much .. but, even at Unimas, it seems like i am hurt by my own feeling .. so , what's the point ?? .. actually, before this, when i thought abut semester break, i was hoped that this holiday will help me to forget my feeling toward someone, at least, reduce my feeling .. now, it is near the end of my semester break .. the question are, can i make it?? can i successfully over my feeling ?? how will the situation ?? are there will be unexpected thing happen to me ?? am i gonna broken into pieces just like i was ??...... i am just afraid that everything will be just like the previous semester .. but .. i look forward to have a brighter life, happier life in Unimas .. hope to be more smarter in my study to have a better result .. ops! BETTER RESULT ?? what is that 'thing'?? i think, i am gonna make an entry about my latest result ... 

my dear blog .. i am afraid to face this coming semester .. =(

sayang awak!! plis don't get hurt!

my dear blog .... i want to introduce you with my lovely PERODUA VIVA !! i wanna name it  Damon Salvatore .. but, i don't know ..... Too long i guess ... but its ok .. I just tinted it last Saturday ! finally my car is almost complete ... about viser, i don't really think that i wanna put it .. rather than viser, hope i can put spoiler 1st !! haha ! do i have enough money ???? well, money is always not gonna enough .. but, i'll try to figure it out how to get it ... hopefully my car will always in a good condition .. i learned a lot from my brothers, friends & some reading in the internet about perodua viva .. hope, i will take care of you just like a hawk watching its baby ..!  love u soooo much ! u looks soooo macho after tinted.. haha! cuz the windows are looking smoking hot when it is dark ! love u! love u! love u! hi hi hi  .. about the picture, the above one, is already being removed the background .... but then, second pic, i don't feel like wanna remove the background .. haha .. u look great babe! hope to change ur rim next ! but .. rim is soooo expensive ......... never mind ... u look great what ever u r ... as long as i have car as transportation university, that is enough ... talking about financial, having a car, it is a bit less stable .. cuz, i have to think about fuel, service .... so ... hope, next coming semester, i will manage my money in the best way .... my lovely perodua viva .. hope to call you Damon, i will always love u!! haha

90210 – the vampire diaries – glee

Dear blog … for about one week, I tried to finish 3 tv series kept inside of my hard disc for more than 3 month .. perhaps those tv series is gonna change to JERUK .. hi hi hi ..

1^st . try to finish 90210

from left : Naomi, Liam, Annie, Adrianna, Navid, Dixon, Silver, Tedd

.... all about teenagers ................................ all the conflict between family, couple , unexpected love .. seriously I understand all those emotion .. haha ..!!! now .. i am waiting for season 3 episode 12 to come out .. but, from what i heard in internet, episode 12 will be broadcast January 2011 .. there are a lot of question that need answer!!!  ...... from the episode 11 that i watched .... Annie is getting well with Liam ! YESSSS!! i am so happy, cuz from the 1st season, i hoped Annie will be couple with liam .. even at that time, there was no sign at all Annie would be in love with Liam & so do Liam .. but ! JUST LIKE IN THE REAL LIFE ! Annie & Liam unexpectedly loving each other ! sooo sweet ! just like one of the facebook page that i like ..

THE FIRST TIME I MET U I DIDNT THINK I WOULD FALL IN LUV WITH YOU,BUT I DID ..

while watching a few scene in this drama, i hope that love is not as hard as what i experienced .. i hope that , even " THE FIRST TIME I MET U I DIDNT THINK I WOULD FALL IN LUV WITH YOU,BUT I DID .. "  ... i hope that 'someone' would feel the same way, just like in this drama .. but .. no! it is not work between me & 'someone' .. =(  .... 

Annie is watching Liam sleeping .. Liam was injured , just come back from Hospital ... aarrrgghh .. so sweet!! she is watching him with full of love & care ... hurmm.. when will i get this kind of relationship??? 

Liam woke up, & they start to talk .... Annie told Liam that, when she heard that Liam is in the hospital, she said, her heart is just like stop for a while, there, she know that, when Liam is Ok, she will be Ok .. Then, Liam said that, He is in love with Annie .. Hurmmmm... sweet & sweet & sweet .... but me???? not at all !

NAvid on the left .. talking with Silver .. telling that, he is UNEXPECTEDLY falling in love with Silver .. & Silver feel the same way .. OH MY GUARD !.. very lucky ... Navid started the conversation telling that he is sorry for making things AWKWArD  between them .. ((seriously, i know this feeling)) .. but then, in this drama, Silver also feel the same way !! sooooo good . but in real life .. when we r falling for someone, UNEXPECTEDLY, that someone not always feel the same way ............. that is real life ... kinda sucks for me .. at some point in my life .. i really hate love !  

i am quite understand with all the emotion that being captured in this drama .. plus,  a few scene where they start to falling in love unexpectedly for the person that they don't expect to love when they 1st meet him or her , i am quite understand there .. but, my life isn't that sweet .. i hope it is sweet just like in this drama .. but, no .. & it's ok .. i try to deal with it carefully .. 

then .. i watch the vampire diaries .. 

from left standing : Elena Gilbert or Katherine, Stefan Salvatore, Jeremy Gilbert, Damon Salvatore. From left, sitting : Bonnie , Caroline ..    

Oh Dear Blog, at 1st time i watched this drama, the first thing that came out in my mind is, typical forbidden love between vampire & human ... kinda heart broken .. but,  i continue watching this drama, because of two things .. 

1. because i like 'superpower' kinda drama or movies ..

2. because of broken hearted kind of story , love everywhere ..

.... but then , after a few episode i watched this drama, it is not just about FORBIDDEN LOVE between vampire & human .. it is more than that .. until now, the vampire diaries is a great drama .. about sibling rivalry, the bonding between the family, all the secret, all the lies, & all the action & power .. there's so much great things that this drama gave to me when watching this .. about one character in this drama .. Damon ..

Damon is just .... always making jokes .. event at a critical time, he still making his jokes .. i like this character .. then , he is one of the character that are BROKEN HEARTED ...... pity him .. everything is just about stefan .. Elena or Katerine, both , fall in love with Stefan .. While Damon just stay strong behind his broken heart .. he is spending his time with elena & stefan because he care about elena .. he love elena .. but , his love is only one-sided love .. poor Damon .. seriously I UNDERSTAND .. most of the time, when he is joking with elena, spending time with elena, he is just sooo happy , but , what to do, Elena will only love Stefan .. 

this is the scene where Damon was seriously, deeply hurt .. at that nite, both, Elena & Katerine telling Damon the exact same phrase .. "it's always gonna be Stefan".. poor Damon .. he is very down .. going back to his home .. I JUST UNDERSTAND THIS HURT FEELING !

 then ... Glee ...

puc, mercedes, rachel, fin,quenn, artie,tina, kurt

my dear blog .. about glee .. i love how they put the story line of this drama .. nothing much i want to say .. just that .. I WISH I CAN JOIN GLEE AND SING WITH THEM !!!! haha ....

this is the last episode for season 1 .. they are singing over the rainbow ..

this is puc and mr.shu singing in front .. leading the song over the rainbow .. someties, i like the character of Puc in this drama cuz 1st of all .. Quenn didn't choose him ... haha

********************well ... that is all the tv series that i tried to finish for about one week ..now, i am trying to catch vampire diaries cuz the is sooo much mystery .. thank to syok.org for serving the link for me to download season 2 of vampire diaries .. but .. link for episode 2 & 5 were broken .. sucks .. i have to get it from torrent .... ......last but not least my dear blog, my love story is real .. love story in drama seems real but, seriously unreal !! when i watch the drama, i might get carried away by the emotion in the drama cuz i am understand, but, i still hope that my love story is better than in those drama! haha ****

r.e.v.e.a.l.........

oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my draft for my upcoming post was just LOST!!!!!!! i've created it for a few hours yesterday, but .....! just now ! i wanna edit it a bit, but then .. everything turned out BLANK!! and, to make thing worst, this BLOGSPOT had their 'automatically save', when this post is blank, it will be saved as BLANK ! & BLANK is the result !!!
& ... i've already deleted all my status in my FB except the latest one ... because, the thing that i wanna reveal is, what actually i wrote in my status that most people in FB can't read, as i just choose the person that i think that they are not JUDGE MENTAL or close enough with me, or the people that i love the most, only them can read my status ..... my status sometime sound happy, sometime sound sad, sometime sound wanna die, sound giving up & more .. only special person can read those status .. SO ! THAT ARE WHAT I WANNA REVEAL those HERE!!! but ... everything gone wrong, i can't reveal it anymore, & nothing i can do about it ..  ..


my dear blog, this is sad ~ ~ ~


i guess .. this is meant to be like this .. those status will be just a secrete between me & anyone who can read it .. so .. still .. those status .. are secret .. & i already delete them .. so ...... everything will be just inside of my head & anyone head .. no more inside of internet ....   i feel so rugi .. but .. what to do .. maybe, if anyone read it from my blog, those people will speculate ridiculous conclusion .. perhaps... that is the hikmah behind this .. it's ok .....

still .. this is sad~ ~ 

Song theme for my blog ..

My dear blog .. from what i've told you from previous post, telling that i wanna reveal something that i actually wrote in my status in Facebook, but , not everyone can read it .. cuz i hide those status from MOST people .. so ... this one repulic song .. entitle = secret .. is Special for my upcoming post and my situation everyday which "MY SECRET" is killing me everyday ....

The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Your Guardian Angel

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face
I can't replace
And now that I'm strong
I have figured out
How this world turns cold
and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find
deep inside me
I can be the one

I will never let you fall(let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all(though it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
[to fade]

to 'someone' ...
****even if saving you sends me to heaven**************