a sweet memory ..

wahai encik belog yang ku rindui selalu.. aku nk story something yang terjadi kat aku time bulan yang lepas... 21 atau 22 ogos yang lepas... dah lupa exact tarikh.. time tu aku kt umah mak cik aku.. aku balik kampung mak cik aku.. weekend la katakan.. nk merasa puasa dengan family mak cik aku.. petang tu.. aku dapat kol dari mak aku.. mak aku cakap.. something yang mengecewakan la... malas nk taip dalam blog.. hi hi hi.. sebab tu bukan point sebenar aku... aku sedih sangat petang... berita yang mengecewakan aku tu aku trima time dh dekat bk berbuka.. time tu aku masih boleh kol free untuk nombor 8pax celcom.. promosi time birthday aku.... aku down sangat petang tu.. aku kol kawan aku... laaaama aku kol... nak di pendekkan crita.. tiba2 kawan2 aku cakap, jom kita pegi mana2 tempat.. aku cakap, kalau mak cik aku give permision untuk guna kreta, baru aku boleh .. atau pun diorang ambik aku kat sini.. then, mak cik aku x benarkan.. then, diorang pun datang jemput aku kt kampung mak cik aku ni.. aku still down sangat.. then, kitorg 5 org pun kluar... naik kreta kancil.. aku tanya, "nk pegi mana ni?" ... then ... kawan aku cakap.. jom pegi pantai.. aku pun macam, eemmmm .. ok la... pantai = malam ??? emmm... pelik tp best.. kot? haha/// kitorang pun pegi pntai mlm tu.. aku yg tengah down tu, sampai je pantai.. trus aku termenung dan melayan perasaan .. dengan keadaan pantai , angin malam yg sejuk sikit, bunyi ombak, suasana tenang.. aku bukan down just sebab "hal" yang mak ku bagi tau tadi, aku memang always sedih sebab "love story" aku yang "pathetic" tu.. time aku struggling to happy everyday, ada lagi "hal" yang menyedihkan datang.. so.. down tahap cipan la, aku.. back to the pantai, aku duduk2, tarik nafas panjang2 & termenung ke arah laut.. saaangat mengembirakan.... aku saaangat thankful dengan kawan2 aku... a dah tak down sangat.. saaangat berterima kasih kat kawan2 aku......... sambil kitorg borak2 kat situ... tiba one of my kawan cakap.. tulis impian kat pasir pantai ni.. dia tulis la macam2... aku tulis kecik jak.. aku tulis pasal "orang tu" je... hu hu hu.. time dah sebok nk balik.. aku tulis impian aku dan aku tulis nama orang tu sekali.. tapi, kawan2 aku dah sebok nak masok kreta.. so... that nite, nama orang tu tertulis jelas atas pasir pantai tu dan semua kawan aku tak baca pun.. haha.. nasib jugak duorg tak baca.. & aku harap, impian yang kami tulis malam tu semua jadi realiti... (walau pun impian aku mcm mustahil.. :( ... aku tetap hoping those dream will be a reality ) ... sweet sangat malam tu... 1st aku tenangkan diri dengan keadaan pantai yang saaangat indah... then.. tulis impian atas pasir pantai tu........ semoga ombak yang terkena tulisan aku malam tu akan turut mendoakan impian aku untuk jadi reality....................

a post dedicated to myself

hey you!
i hate you!
i hate you!
i hate you!
falling for someone is not a big deal, ok!
why you cant handle this?!!
why??
because of this thing, you are not the way you should act, the way you should talk, the way you should response to people around you!!!!
hey!!!
stop this drama!!!
plis!!!
you are not living your life the way you should live your life anymore!!
that person is not going to give a huge impact on you ok!!!!
stop this! just stop it!!!!!!!!!
i hate you for being like this!!! i hate you!
stop being too fragile when things is related to that person!!
plis be as cool as you can!
plis be as happy as you can!
plis be as strong as you can!
plis be as rational as you can!
plis!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate you now!! i just hAte seeing you like this!! that person is not everything!!!!
stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! plis! i beg you to stop all these things!
i beg you.....................................................

Cat rumah..............

my dearest blog.. i just finished painting..... painting area yang sikit je.. bapak suruh cat area yg masih tertinggal..... time aku goleng2 kan roller cat tu kat dinding.. aku termenung.. if my heart can be painted with this paint.. & cover all my misery.. i wanted to paint my heart with a joyful colour .. so that no more sorrow & sadness would be appear .. all that can be seen is the joyful.. the happiness.. all the dirt, the faded colour are all being painted .. & showing the world only the new & fresh colour .. but .. that is only my angan2... not real at all.. so sad... tonite is malam raya .. i wish i am not at home rite now ............................... hurmmmmmm.. everything is sucks ... i hate myself.. i hate everything around me .. that is y i wish i can paint my heart just now .. i just want to enjoy this raya .. but .. a few things make me toooooooooooooooooooo upset .. the major thing that make me disappoint are 2 things ........... "someone" and car problem .................. & few other things.... i know... i should be just cool with all these problem & enjoy the moment .. but.. i just cant fake my smile.. i hate it that i cant enjoy my malam raya... i am just hate myself............................................................................................................................................................................. i wish i can called that person rite now & have a very long conversation until i sleep & tomorrow.. i wake up with a very big smile on my face ........................ T_T .. but .. no!!!!!! that's not gonna happen .. i just wish i can remove this unhappy feeling .. can i?????

mad ..

my dear blog ..
today .. when i think about that person .. i just get mad with myself... i am angry with myself... i hate myself for can not get rid of that person from my mind .. now.. i am still mad at myself ... when someone text me, the 1st person that i hope that text me is that person .. like just now .. i suddenly smile when my phone sound.. but .. it was someone else ..... hurmm... i am just too angry with myself rite now .. i dont arrange my life proper anymore .. my room is like hell .. my self is like zombie .. y am i should be like this.. can i just take this thing easy & move on with my wonderful life???????????????????

i just need that person .. i just miss that person .. i just wanna know what's the news .. is it fine there .. is it happy there .. is it busy there .. but .. y should i know all that?? i am no body to that person .. i am just no one to that person .. so..... STOP! i wish i can shut down myself .... & start over with no feeling toward that person anymore ......................

last but not least .. ******* my post is still a pathetic post talking about my pathetic life falling for someone ******************************* SUCKS !

i hate myself

my dear blog.. i hate myself now... i really hate myself................................. for loving someone............... y should this happen to me.. i just want to get rid of that person from my mind........... i dont know.................. sucks! i want my life back... normal life... not worrying someone... thinking of someone... missing someone like hell...........

**** again.... a pathetic post from me ***********

like a fool......................

wahai encik blog kesayangan ku..
aku baru bangun tido.. 20 minit lagi berbuka.. aku tertido dalam 15 minit macam tu.. tertido dengan kuching kesayangan aku kat paha.. haha.. dah la time tido tu.. anak buah aku yang comel berlegar-legar kat sekeliling... ish2... aku tertido bukan sebab pemalas, k... tertido sebab penat cat rumah sikit dari pukul 10 sampai pukul 2 tadi...

encik blog.. aku nak mengeluh pasal "dia" lagi ni.. harap encik still ok lagi nk dengar aku merengek ...

time aku bangun tido tadi.. tiba2 aku rasa mcm org bodoh je sebab jatuh hati kat "dia".. then sayang sangat kat "dia"... then selalu rindukan "dia".... aku adalah orang yang menyedihkan....... bodoh.... sebab jatuh hati kat orang tu.. eee... kenapa la aku bodoh sangat.. wahai "dia"... aku tak sengaja nk jatuh kat awak... aku mintak maaf.......... lepas aku rasa macam tu.. aku teringat lagu gaseumi yokhae .. then.. aku post dlm FB part lirik tu.... 바보처럼 그저 바라보는 못난 사랑을 .... maksu nya... Umpama si bodoh, aku terus memandangmu meskipun cinta ini sukar/mustahil ........... hurmmmm..... bongok la aku ni... aku tak tau nk buat apa... tiap hari aku ingat kat "dia"............ can i just stop doing this!!! ..

>>>>>>>life = unexpected = making me fool for loving someone that is impossible to love <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

still about you..

My dear blog.. seems like 3 more days to raya.. its been 2 days i am home.. & i miss that person sooo much.. my dear blog, i dont know... i hate this.. why am i should love that person sooo much ? i should love Allah more than anything else.. for this ramadhan, it is the 1st ramadhan that i experience of hurting from loving someone.. & it is gonna be my 1st raya missing someone far away... i just wanna have my normal life back... i never thought i would be like this.. maybe there are goodness behind all of this misery.. i dont know.......... i am just tired... can i just keep this "uneasy feeling" inside a box & throw that box away... its like every single second i keep thinking about that person.. i just wanna text that person sooo much.. i just wanna make a phonecall to that person soo much.. but?? what should i told that person?? i dont wanna bother that person.. & i dont want that person would feel wierd.. i wish i can call that person & tell, "i just miss u sooo much, what r u doing there?" ...... but that is impossible.. i wish we can text each other.. aarrgghhh... i am just a fool... i am just fool because of falling for someone like this.. i just want my normal life back.. i am just tired thinking of that person every single second in my life... aaarrgghhhh.......... this is soooo hard.... sooo hurting me... every thing that i did is not feeling right.. i miss that person.. even just a msg from that person could make my life shining bright .. but .. that would never happen .. i dont know.. i dont know.. i dont know.. i want to end this.......... i want this to be ended .. its not working between us.. so ... i need to end this ..... but .. my heart is yelling to me that i miss that person.. my heart is yelling to me that i want that person.. my heart is yelling to me that i love that person soooooo much.. my heart is yelling to me that i care about that person... worrying about that person......... but... i want this to be ended.. nothing will happen between us.......... nothing... nothing.. nothing..........................................................................................................................................................................................

oh my dear blog .. hurting everyday is not my option.. i dont asked to hurt.. but.. this is what happen to me.. sometimes.. i am the one who are the most hyper active in joking with people around me just to cover my sadness..

my der blog.......... i love that person sooo much.... can i just say i dont love that person & nothng will happen...................................... can i just say that i dont miss that person... i wish it is that easy........

i dont know what am i merepek here about....... but..... i am just tired of missng that peron.................................

D,masiv - merindukanmu

Lirik Lagu D’Masiv – Merindukanmu


saat aku tertawa di atas semua
saat aku menangisi kesedihanku
aku ingin engkau selalu ada
aku ingin engkau aku kenang

reff:
selama aku masih bernafas
masih sanggup berjalan
ku kan slalu memujamu

meski ku tak tahu lagi
engkau ada di mana
dengarkan aku ku merindukanmu

saat aku mencoba merubah segalanya
saat aku meratapi kekalahanku
aku ingin engkau selalu ada
aku ingin engkau aku kenang

repeat reff


****** aku ingin engkau selalu ada ___ :-( ********

just menaip ... nothing actually

.......my dear blog.... i wanna wrote something to that person .. aarrgghh.. this soo hard for me everyday .................................>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

you...
can you love me just the way i love you
can you miss me just the way i miss you
can you care about me just the way i care about you...

you...
i think about you almost every hour in my life...
are you doing the same thing??

you...
knowing that it is not working between us is hurting me..
knowing that your feeling aint the same with my feeling is hurting me..
knowing that i will still looking at you & telling in my heart that i love u is hurting me..
missing you & cant tell you that i miss you is hurting me..
care about everything that you do and cant do anything is hurting me..

you...
i am tired of being sad thinking of this...
i am tired of missing you..
i am tired...
i am tired...
i am tired...

"be patient" is what i whisper in my heart knowing that i am tired of loving you..
even i am tired.. i still love you.. dont know when this would end.. i dont know what to do.. everything is distracted .. everything is not right .. i just can be calm when i am around you.. beside you, i felt soooo relief .. no worries at all..

you..
i love you..
i miss you..
i care about you..
its hard & hurting me everyday..

hope you know this.. hope you are the same even i know it is impossible for you to do the same... "mungkin ini memang jalan takdir ku.. mengagumi tanpa dicintai".(ungu, cinta dalam hati) ....


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>pathetic me<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<