sekarang pukul 2.30 pagi mcm tu.. esok adalah hari SABTU... bila difikir balik.. study week aku digunakan dengan tidak efisen LANGSUNG.. lepas aku stay up study statistic sampai pukul 5 pagi tu.. aku bangun tengah hari tu.. & expecting aku akan stay up & study microb pulak.. tapi, ternyata.. aku tak habiskan statistic pun.. apa lagi nak start study microb.. mana motivasi aku nii..?? aku langsung tak panic .. ish!! sbenarnya.. aku tau kenapa aku tak panic.. aku mintak jadual exam dari member aku, then, aku ingat boleh membuatkan aku panic.. nampaknyaa.. aku makin relaks.. aku tengok jadual exam kami, most subjek ada GAP sendiri.. aku rasa mcm, ah.. time exam week pun aku boleh revise balik.. hurmm... apa boleh buat.. hope, lepas ni, aku bermotivasi utk study.. =( ...
sebenarnya.. aku stay up jugak on the next day.. tapi.. aku tak dapat fokus.. sebab tu aku study pun tak banyk.. tak habis pun learning unit last tu.. hati aku saaangat sedih.. aku saangat rindukan dia.. aku sangat tak tahan.. time aku cakap yang aku happy tu, ok.. lepas aku cakap.. "now, i am not really happy" .. aku memang tak happy sangat.. aku sengaja ignore what my heart says.. aku study, tp, after 2 minit aku baca notes, dia start to appear in my mind.. aku tak mintak pun benda ni.. tp, aku asyik2 ingat kan dia kalau aku start study.. tak dpt fokus.. walaupun aku ingat kat dia, aku paksa diri aku untuk terus baca notes tu.. tapiiiiii... makin kuat pulak aku ingat kat dia... then.. i keep forcing myself.. but, at a certain point.. aku tak tahan.. aku down sangat .. aku rinduuu sangat kat orang tuu.. aku saaangat down.. kenapa la dengan aku ni.. aku tau kenapa aku down & rindu orang tu,,.. semua nya sebab aku ignore apa yang hati aku nak.. aku tau, hati aku keep forcing untuk ~tak boleh taip~ .. so that, aku happy mcm last few days.. tp, aku sengaja ignore.. mana tau aku boleh over that person at last.. but.. i was totally wrong.. instead of ignoring what my heart asked for, i am getting hurt by it.. i was down because of it.. i miss that person soo much.. struggling to ignore what my heart says, lastly making me weak.. i keep the smile when i meet my lovely friends.. cuz they dont deserve my sadness.. plus, i am actually smiling when i am with them.. no sadness.. i am shouting in my heart saying that i miss that person.. wishing that things could be better.. hurmm.. when would this sorrow end?? missing that person soooo badly making me weaker.. cant concentrate with my revision... =( .. Oh Allah.. Help me.. Help me.. dont know what to do... i think i should follow what my heart say.. actually.. i am too sad with this.. posting all the emotional status on FB is becuz i wanted all my friend know my sadness.. actually, my heart hurt more than what they read on FB.. hard to admit, but, my tears flow when i am alone.. not crying.. just the tears flow down my cheek without i realize.. i am not crying.. cuz i am old enough to cry.. but.. when my heart hurt too much.. tears will flow slowly.. cant hold on anymore.. wishing that i am dead sound too harsh.. i got life to live.. but.. how come i can live my life when i hurt in every single second of my life because of thinking of that person & keep ignoring what my heart says.. ohh life.. i wish i can go to a far place.. so that i can easily forget that face, smile & voice.... oh my God... this is hard.. sooooooo hard.. the only thing that i should do during this 2-3 weeks is study.. reading the notes.. understanding all of it.. but.. how?? when i try to study, the person come inside my head.. then, i started to miss that person.. lastly, i become down.. no more mood to study... ='( ... i guess.. i am sad too much just because of that person.. but, the sadness have not end yet.. *sigh* .. can i just change my heart with someone else.. so that i dont have the love that killing me... its 3.00 am already.. still, i havent study yet.. actually.. i wanted to write my amazing experience today with my friend .. but.. i guess.. i need to stop 1st.. later, i wanna write about it.. but now..i gotta go....
=)))
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